


Say his name

by EyesLikeQuinn



Category: Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:28:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26546776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EyesLikeQuinn/pseuds/EyesLikeQuinn
Summary: Modern fanfic, somewhat OOC. Sully goes to confront Michaela about their mutual friend David, who recently passed in a tragic accident. Michaela struggles to deal with the reality of such a loss and Sully struggles to express his own feelings. Both are dealing with the heavy burden of loss.
Relationships: Michaela Quinn/Byron Sully
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. They are the property of their respective parent companies and the creation of Beth Sullivan. Use of characters is for entertainment purposes only in the telling of my own stories. Thank you for letting me borrow them. Any dialogue that is used repeating dialogue from the show is credited to the original writers.

Sully knocked on her door. She didn't answer and he knew she was home, so he knocked again. He was annoyed. Waiting downtown, he was supposed to meet Michaela for a drink, but she hadn't showed up after texting him that she would be there soon. So after three hours downtown, and suffering through the advances of a desperately lonely woman looking for a one night stand, he was here at her house. He hoped whatever was left of their friendship wasn't gone, actually he hoped they could find new ground in their relationship, but he needed to confront her first.

She opened the door and with an unenthusiastic tone said, "Hello" and stepped to the side to let him enter. Sully walked a short distance into the entryway and turned, keeping a good distance from her. "Why would you do that Michaela? I've been downtown for hours, you sent me a text saying you would see me in thirty minutes, and then left me there to fight off the advances of a one night stand!" She busied herself and replied, "I just didn't feel good Sully, I'm sorry." He felt guilty for being angry, maybe she really didn't feel good. He looked at her with concern, " Are you ok, are you sick?" For a minute he was contemplating the worry he had for her health, but when she answered, he knew that her dismissal had been somewhat selfish. "I just didn't want to go out, and I didn't want to go downtown," she managed to say. Sully was furious on the inside, "So you just left me there!" Michaela sighed with exasperation. Sully noticed her annoyance. "Well, I'm sorry common decency is a problem here," he looked at her and she was starting to withdraw further into herself. "What's this really about? What are you running from?" Sully didn't give her time to answer because he knew there would be no answer. She was avoiding the answer. "This is about David, isn't it?" Michaela's eyes dropped, "Sully I can't help but be sad about him, I watched him die in that terrible accident." She wanted to cry but she held her tears. Sully wanted her to feel his pain,"Don't you think I miss him too, I had just had dinner with him, and I told him he had better hurry up and get to work, don't you think I feel guilty too! If I hadn't said anything…..if I hadn't said anything, he would still be here."

David had been Sully's best friend, David was in love with Michaela, and for that reason Sully had always kept his distance even though he felt a connection with her, and wanted to be closer than just friends. Michaela went on a rant to try and appease him. As she talked and mentioned the accident, she recounted the evening that David had rushed to the hospital wanting to get in the parking garage as quickly as possible so he wouldn't be too late. He had taken a chance that the light would be green on a street he rarely used. But he had gotten trapped behind a slow driver, and as the light turned yellow he knew he would be stopping and the motorist in front of him would just be making it through. Frustrated, he remained calm, and he looked at the clock in his car, he was going to make it in time, but it would be close. Unfortunately, when the light changed to green again he hit the gas hard and without noticing the car that sped through the intersection, he was T-boned and died instantly. Michaela had been walking quickly out to her car to retrieve some paperwork she had left. She had a presentation today and had arrived early. When she saw him at the red light, she decided to stick around for a minute to walk back into the hospital with him. As he started across the intersection, and the other car did not stop, she could only watch in helpless horror as the events of his death happened right before her eyes. When the car settled from being thrown by the impact, she ran to his car and upon getting past his grim state, she tried to find a pulse, but there was no pulse to be found. He was gone.

Sully could tell she was reliving the events of that tragic day in her mind. Unfortunately, being scheduled for a business trip overseas, Sully had turned off his phone at the airport after having dinner with David. It was only after a twelve hour flight into Germany that he realized his best friend was dead, information no one should learn from a Facebook post. And because he knew that David often picked Michaela up, he was desperate to find out if she had also been in the car. He tried calling her but there was no answer. He later learned that Michaela had dropped her phone when the wreck occurred and it had left her without one for a few days while she withdrew into an almost reclusive state of living. The hospital was short staffed but because they knew it was a great tragedy for her, they offered to let her have time away. Michaela had denied the time off and as usual, she had tried to work through her anguish. She was using the activity to put everything else behind her, even those that were closest to her.

So it was work and home, and work and home for a solid three months now. Everyone was starting to notice how much it had changed her, but she wouldn't take the time to heal. She had blocked all calls except for the hospital. Initially, Sully had tried for a solid two days to contact anyone he could think of that might be able to give an accurate update about what had happened, who had been in the car. He couldn't eat or sleep, but finally he reached his friend Robert. Robert had told him that David was the only one in the car. Sully gasped and drew in a deep breath, he was so torn between his emotions. How was it possible to feel happy that Michaela was alive when David was dead? He felt guilty, he didn't know what to do. And why had she ignored him? Finally, he had received an email after he had expressed his sorrow for her loss, hoping she might respond if they didn't actually speak over the phone. It was brief but she explained that her phone had been broken and that she had waited a few days for a replacement. She said she was busy with work and that had kept her going.

Sully knew that wasn't a good sign, she often prioritized work above all other things and not that he didn't appreciate a healthy dedication to professionalism, but he knew she was going to go too far to mask her pain. He had finished his work ahead of schedule and managed to leave Germany early. He saw her briefly when he arrived but not much after, and that's why he had arranged for them to meet downtown. So as he stood there listening to her talk, all he could think of was how terrible this must be for her and his heart was broken that he didn't have all the answers she needed. And then it struck him, as she recounted the events and her relationship with David, she hadn't said David's name one time, and it was like she was avoiding it, saying certain things that indicated a man she had feelings for but never once actually saying his name. If he had decided to confront how she had been treating him, the decision was strictly made that hearing David's name was his new confrontation. She really was afraid to let his name leave her lips and Sully needed to hear it. This wall that she had built was already much bigger than he had anticipated. So when she mentioned "him" again Sully led her to reiterate the feelings she had just expressed in a different way. Making sure she would have to mention "him" again. It was then that he confirmed what he already knew, she would not speak David's name. Sully stopped her, "Him? I'm sorry Michaela, I don't know who you are talking about?" She looked at Sully and she knew he had just figured out that he was the first to notice that she refused to utter that name. Hurt filled her soul, like she was a child again and someone was taking her favorite pet away. "Him Sully, I'm talking about him." It was the first time Sully had truly stood up to her, not allowing her to have an out. He elevated his voice, "Who's him?!" Sully was desperate, and he stood his ground. She was tearing up before him, "You know who I'm talking about!" She was starting to break, and it hurt him to push her any further but he had to. "Well then say it!" Defiant, she reiterated, "Say what?!" Sully's jaw clenched and he was disgusted with himself for making her say anything more, the heat of his defiance filling him with anger, looking into her eyes with fire in his soul, "He was my friend too. Say his name!" Eyes pleading and piercing the silence, she cried and let the sound of those five letters leave her trembling lips, "David!"

They both stopped, time was frozen in place…..his anger quickly disappeared.

They both stared at each other and Michaela yelled through hurt and anguish, "Get out!" Sully didn't have to hear her say it again, he felt terrible but he wasn't sorry for what he had done. However, he knew he needed to leave, pushing her to this breaking point, and having her break was the most he could hurt her. He knew if she would ever forgive him for forcing her to face this fear, then he needed to do exactly as she said, he needed to give her some control over this situation. He didn't hesitate and he walked straight to the door and left.

Michaela stood there not believing that he had done exactly as she had asked. She thought they would fight, maybe she needed to fight. His earlier defiance had led her to believe he was just angry about being left downtown alone, trying to hurt her. But his willingness to do exactly as she asked made her rethink what he was feeling. David was Sully's friend and up until this night, she had only been processing her feelings, her pain. He was broken when he left her, he must be hurting inside, and she regretted that she had been pushing him away when she should have been holding him near.

Sully walked straight to his truck, got in, and started crying. He wasn't the type of man that cried often but losing his best friend to a tragic death, and his potential loss from putting all his emotions on the line had overwhelmed him. He berated himself, still feeling guilty for pushing so hard, for not letting her escape the anguish. She must be so devastated right now and all he wanted to do was hold her until she felt like her heart wouldn't fall to pieces. Just then his phone made the familiar sound of a new text message, he hadn't expected anything this fast but it was her. She must really hate him right now. He looked at it on the seat and knew this was it. Reaching for it, he was a mess, expecting to be told off. He unlocked the screen and read the text, "I'm sorry."

Just like that she had accepted what he had done for her, and she now saw the pain he had in his own heart. Realizing they needed to be apart for now, he texted her back, "I'm sorry too, I'm not angry with you, and I hope you can forgive me, we can talk later." Sully started his truck and drove home.


	2. CH 2

Michaela had tried to move but she just couldn't and as she read the text from Sully she slowly sank to the floor and sobbed. She was almost hysterical and she just needed to let the pain that was building an even stronger presence in her heart out. She cried so hard, she couldn't imagine her anguish hurting her heart any more than it was now. She clutched her chest above her heart as she curled up on her side. She knew it was medically possible to suffer from broken heart syndrome, a stress cardiomyopathy. The condition was a tragic one that could be brought on by intense emotional or physical stress and cause rapid and severe weakness of the heart muscle. For her own good she knew she had to calm down so she just gripped what little she could of the floor and cried her pain out as rapidly as she could. She made herself sick and she decided to get up, get a drink and go to her bed. She knew alcohol was not the answer but she also wanted to just let go. Pouring the drink, she quickly drank it all and she poured another one. She was a lightweight and she knew her limits so she quickly downed the second drink and grabbed a cold bottle of water from the refrigerator. She walked to her bed, took off her clothes, put on shorts and a camisole and got under the covers. She touched the bottle to her face to soothe her face and eyes, trying to rid herself of a headache. Opening the top of the bottle, she drank the cold water and set it down. Soon the effects of the alcohol had eased her pain, and she drifted off to sleep.

Sully drove home through tears and heartache, when he got home, he walked over to his cabinets and found his bottle of Jack Daniels. He knew alcohol wasn't the answer but he just needed to have a drink. Pouring shot after shot, he soon knew he was reaching his limit, and he didn't want to wake up with a hangover. He wasn't a drunk and he was actually a really responsible social drinker. His heart hurt so, and he knew this stress was not good for him. He jumped in the shower to wash the day away and forget about everything. As he washed himself off he thought of what had just happened. He wanted to give Michaela space, but he also knew she had been left alone for too long. He wished for her sake that David was here, that everything would be as it was. Sadly he knew that would never happen. Thinking of a solution because he knew there really wasn't one, he decided that maybe they just needed a good place to talk. He stepped out of the shower put on some underwear and got into bed. By this time the alcohol had done its work and he faded into a deep slumber.

When he woke the next morning he decided to text her, to see if she was ok and also see if maybe she wanted to talk. Michaela's phone made a noise and lit up. She slowly opened her eyes. The sun was shining through her bedroom window and despite the instant brokenness, she took in the beauty that was trying to get inside. She inhaled a deep breath and looked on top of her night stand for her phone. It was her day off but she thought it might be the hospital. Reaching out, she grabbed the device and looked at her new text. It was Sully, "Hey" was all it said. She texted him back, "Hey." Soon her phone chimed again. "I was just wondering if you wanted to go out on the boat with me today?" She sat there and thought, seeing him again so soon would be hard. She knew that the time had come for her to face this, the time she had tried to use to face this on her own had only driven her to the point of yelling at one of her closest friends last night. Sully anxiously awaited her reply. Soon his phone buzzed and chimed. "Ok, give me an hour and I'll be ready to go."

Sully had gone to the store while Michaela took a shower and put on her bathing suit. She gathered up her towel and flip-flops and packed a small bag with extra clothes and a few things. She had just put her things by the door when he pulled up in the driveway. The first meeting was awkward, but they both pushed past that and Sully gathered up her things, noticing the empty glass and liquor bottle on the countertop. She grabbed two waters out of the refrigerator, and walked out with him.

It took them almost an hour to get out to the South Shore Marina in Pueblo. They had mostly stayed silent, just enjoying the weather, the music, and the scenery. Michaela had on shorts and a sheer white tunic top, her colorful swimsuit showed through. She had her feet up on the dash and Sully didn't mind a bit. It was a classic truck but he never valued objects over people so when she removed her flip-flops and put her feet on the dash he found it charming. She was enjoying the sunshine on her face and Sully occasionally glanced her way, she made his heart happy. He knew this was exactly what they had needed. It had been about two weeks since he had been out to the marina, but Sully had a pontoon boat that he and David used to go fishing on.

They went to the restroom and then went back to his truck. He got the cooler he had packed and rolled it down the dock to the boat. Michaela gathered her things and made her way to the boat. She had been on Sully's boat a few times in the past when they all went out to the lake but it had been a while. Sully took her things from her and reached for her hand. She steadied herself, took his hand and stepped onboard. "Thank you," she smiled and placed a towel on the seat near the front. "Do you need any help Sully?" He went out many times before on his own, so he was capable of getting everything ready, but he wanted her to feel needed so he asked her to remove the covers that were on the seats. She was happy to hear she could help and by the time she had put all the covers away, he had the boat ready to go.

She walked to the front and sat down on the chaise lounge that she had put her towel on. Sully started the boat and slowly backed out of the dock. Once they reached a safe area to speed up, Sully gradually increased the speed. Michaela stretched out on the seat and soaked in the sun. It was the perfect day for boating. They made their way across the lake to a cove, perfect for swimming. Sully slowed the boat, cut the engine, and lowered the anchor. They were alone, secluded. The sun was bright and the water glistened and shimmered. Sully walked to the back, turned on the music , placed a life preserver on the front of the boat for easy access and reached for the bottom of his shirt. Pulling it up and over his head, he exposed his broad tanned chest. He quickly turned around and yelled, "Come on!" He dove into the cool water, surfaced, and turned around smiling. He paused to look at Michaela, she had watched him dive in and as she was getting her sunblock out of her bag, she yelled after him. "Sully, you really should have some sunblock, even if you already have a tan." He smiled, "Oh yeah!" She had removed the cap and a little piece of red paper flew out and landed on the deck of the boat. Michaela looked down and as she realized what it was, her eyes filled with tears. Sully had swam back to the ladder and just as he looked up, he noticed the look on her face, pausing to watch her next reaction. She reached for the paper and unfolded it. It was a red heart post-it and David had written I love you with all my heart. Sully had always teased David about the love notes he left all over Michaela's house, but at the moment, it didn't seem so funny. He knew exactly what it was when she bent down and picked it up. She read it and immediately looked at Sully waiting at the bottom of the ladder. She trembled as she held onto it. He rushed up the side of the boat and took her into his arms, pulling her firmly but gently into him. Her feet safely to the inside of his and her head laying on his shoulder, he could feel the warm tears opposed to the cool drops of lake water as they dropped from her eyes onto his skin. God this wasn't fair. He lay his cheek on top of her head and he held her close with one arm while he rubbed her back with his other hand. Both of their hearts were pounding. He held her for a while and then he realized he had gotten her tunic wet. He reached down untying the small bow at the top of the collar and pulled the bottom of her shirt up over her head. Michaela was shocked, was this all he had wanted, to take advantage of her broken heart? She could feel her anger start to rise and just before she said anything, he reached down on the deck and grabbed his shirt, flipping it right side out and quickly pulling it over her. She pushed her arms through. He reached for his towel and wrapped it around his waist. "Come on Michaela, sit down." His shirt engulfed her but it felt warm and comfortable. She moved with him to the seat in the back of the boat where there was a cover for shade and they sat down. He was beside her with his hand on her shoulder. "Sully, I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to find that note. I honestly don't know how I have any tears left after last night." Sully felt that pain in his heart, he had been devastated as well. She teared up again, "He used to leave those all over my house, I thought I had found them all." Sully laughed and it surprised her, "I know, I used to watch him sit there and write all those notes, I always teased him about how lovesick he was." A candid confession indeed, she looked up and trembling asked him, "I know it might seem forward of me, but will you hold me while we talk." Sully was surprised, he would do anything she asked at this point, but he hadn't expected her to ask for him to hold her. "Sure," he replied, "Come here." Sully leaned back against the side of the seat and put his foot up on top, he reached for her and she sat down between his legs and leaned back against his chest, she pulled her arms up and held the little red heart between her fingers. He folded one arm across her and it didn't feel awkward for either of them, it just felt comfortable. His other hand slid under her hand and his thumb caressed her as she began to talk. His face rest beside hers, both staring at the little, red, heart shaped, paper.


	3. CH 3

Michaela started at the beginning, talking about meeting David in school and spending time together studying the intricate details of medical practices and treatment with various medicines. Going to coffee shops and eventually after many long nights, graduation. David had convinced Michaela to come out to Colorado after they finished their residencies, and she came out to visit the area, getting a feel for what life out west was really like. She had fallen in love with the area and she was starting to have serious feelings for David too. He had introduced her to Sully, his best friend and roommate. They had known each other since high school when David's family had moved into the area. It hadn't taken much for Michaela to take a chance and give up her life in Boston, she often felt like it was only holding her back.

Sully held her and just let her talk. She kept running her finger over the words of the small paper heart, eventually she spoke of something new. "We were going to elope," she breathed in slowly and then exhaled with a tremble. Sully held his breath. She stopped rubbing the paper, "Did he tell you?" He reassured her, "No, he said he was planning a trip, but he didn't tell me that. He was faithful to your secret Michaela." A tear slipped down her face. "You know what's similar about the human heart and this paper Sully?" He didn't want to guess, he was actually afraid of where she was going with this, so he just said "No." There was a darkness in her question. She moved her fingers to the top of each side and slowly tore it down the middle. "They both break just as easily." He couldn't believe she had done that, and it was one of the saddest things he had ever witnessed. She started to cry. "No Michaela, it's going to be okay, please you have to trust me." He reached to her hands and took the papers from her. She was sick with herself, and she sobbed.

Sully sat up straighter and held her tight as he rubbed his hands over her arms. She was crying and he waited for her to cry for a little while before he said, "You know, David and I came out here one time, almost in this same spot, he told me he met the woman he was going to marry, and he described her." Sully laughed a little, "I just thought he was kidding, but you showed up the next week." Sully started describing her, "long copper hair, enchanting eyes, ivory skin, a beautiful smile, gentle capable hands, smart, funny, strong, the sweetest disposition, and a heart of gold." Michaela had stopped crying while she listened to him repeat David's words. She smiled a little, and then she got sad, "he's not coming back Sully." Sully knew now that Michaela was fighting a heavy burden between what could have been, and what really was. "I know, but I think we should remember him, I think we should talk about him until we can mend our broken hearts." Michaela felt guilty again, she wanted Sully to know she cared about his memories too.

"Sully?" she paused, " What's your favorite memory of David?" Sully just started laughing, "It was actually on this boat, he caught a largemouth bass and he was so excited about how big it was." Sully continued, "he went to weigh it because he thought it might be a record, and he tripped over some flip-flops that had been left on here the week before." He laughed again, "That fish fell on the boat, bounced around, and went overboard!" Sully continued to laugh, while Michaela smiled a little in surprise, and got a little serious. "Sully?" He stopped laughing because he thought he had upset her, Michaela looked to the side towards him, "were the flip-flops purple?" Sully was surprised, How'd you…..? He stopped, then he just started laughing so hard, "Are you serious?" She sat up, hung her head, and turned toward him with a crooked smile. "They were mine." They both laughed. "Don't you remember, we had all gone out to relax after I got here. There were a few other friends with us, and when we got back to the marina, David and I were playing around and he gave me a piggy back ride back to his car. He wanted to go get something to eat, so I just put my dock shoes on after that." She smiled, "he told me he loved me that day, and he kissed me. I guess our favorite memories of David happened because of the same day." She smiled. Sully didn't want the sadness to come back so he rubbed her back and said, "Hey, how about we go for a swim?"

She didn't want to be sad anymore, and it was getting rather warm. "Yeah, that's a good idea," she got up and got the sunblock back from the seat up front. She clutched his shirt to her body and pulled it up over her head. "Will you spray this on my back please?" Sully took the sunblock and sprayed her back and shoulders, it was cold so she flinched a little when it made contact. Sully noticed her reaction and he knew she would want a good application anyway, being the doctor that she was. He sprayed some in his hands and started rubbing her lower back, when he got to her shoulders, he massaged her neck and shoulders all the way out to her arms. He rubbed her back one last time and lightly caressed her, both hands simultaneously running across her skin until they had nowhere else to go but off the side of her arms and back to his side. She blushed a little with her back to him and waited until the heat started to fade. She reached over on the seat and grabbed the bottle turning towards him she simply said, "turn around." Sully removed the towel from around his waist and turned around. She sprayed the sunblock all around and sprayed a good amount onto her hands. She massaged his back with the sunblock until he was thoroughly covered. Feeling guilty for actually enjoying that, she quickly picked up the bottle and started spraying it all over her chest and body, handing it to him when she finished so he could do the same. Michaela finished applying first and she stepped over to the small doorway and dove into the water, it was just the relief she had needed from the last few hours. Cool water surrounded her body and any remnants of her tears were washed away. Sully rubbed the sunblock into his skin on his torso and chest. His hand massaging over his heart trying to be strong and not hurt anymore. He watched her dive in and as she surfaced, he stepped to the side of the boat. Smiling at her enjoying the water, he dove in.

They swam around relaxing and just enjoying themselves, soon they decided to swim to the shore. They climbed up to a small ledge and jumped down into the water. It was the best time, and for a few short moments they forgot that they were heartbroken. After about ten minutes, Sully jumped in and came up right beside her, they both laughed and Michaela looked into his eyes. "Thank you Sully, for this wonderful day." She moved close and smiled, "thank you for being David's friend, he always said good things about you." Sully dropped his head a little as he continued to tread water. "He used to love it out here, just fishing and jumping off of rocks, but he always talked about you too and that's why I trust you Michaela, that's why I'll share these memories with you, because you understand what we lost." She looked at him, "Sully, I don't talk about David with anyone else, thank you." Sully smiled, he wanted to promise that he would always be there for her, but the recent loss made him rethink everything, there were no guarantees, and he could never again promise anyone that he would be there. David's death had been sudden, and violent. There were no chances to tell him how much he meant to them, there were no goodbyes, just an end. This had been the loss that took away both their youthful, immortal dreams. He looked into her eyes and said, "You're welcome." She reached out, and put her hand on his shoulder, touching him with soft, gentle, compassion that lingered for a few seconds. Her hand slowly trailed off the side of his arm and she began swimming back to the boat. Sully followed her.

They climbed back on the boat and went around the lake to dry off. There was a gentle breeze and the sun was shining warmly on their skin. Later Sully slowed the boat and put the anchor down again. He removed his sunglasses and so did Michaela. They went to the back of the boat and used the groceries Sully had brought to make themselves dinner. Then the sun began to set and Michaela and Sully sat on the front of the boat with their legs hanging over the edge and talked. They didn't mention David anymore that night, they just talked about what was going on in their lives, and they each tried to help the other with decisions that had to be made about work and life. Discussions that were now left to the two mutual friends that had lost their confidant. They had to move on without him, without David.

A poem

Immortal sons and daughters

Hold fast to time that slows

Total devastation

And fears of things to come

Surely finding refuge

In the mercies of a belief

That somehow I would see you again

And smile and embrace you warmly

-Me


	4. CH 4

When Sully woke the next morning, his first thought was of Michaela. They had come back rather late and Michaela had to work today. He felt guilty, but she had reassured him it was fine. Nevertheless, he thought maybe he should take her some coffee. He got up and got dressed. He felt good about their progress on the lake and he hoped she could continue to open up, to let all the strong emotions she kept bottled up out. He got in his car and went to the coffee shop. He ordered two iced coffees, a bottle of water, and a pastry for her. Sully knew that time was short when it came to her job but he hoped his surprise might bring a smile to her face. He drove to the parking garage and as he sat at the red light, he wondered about how she could pass this spot every day. She must relive those terrible moments every day, but he knew that for her, it was more about the care of others, and not her own emotions. Still, it couldn't be easy. He parked his car and went into the hospital. He went to the floor her office was on and asked the nurse at the desk if she could page Michaela.

The nurse had seen him get out of the elevator and she immediately felt an attraction to him. A well built man, with beautiful hair, a strong jawline, blue eyes, and he looked friendly. What woman wouldn't be attracted? She wondered who he had come to see. And to her complete shock, she nodded and said, "Give me one moment please," as he asked for Dr. Quinn and waited patiently. Afterall, Dr. Quinn had been somewhat difficult lately, snapping at people and spending all her breaks alone. She didn't even communicate so often with the other doctors right now. How was it that this gorgeous, attractive man was here, asking for her? Sully moved to the waiting area so he wouldn't be in the way. Another nurse walked up to the desk. "Hey, she said, did you see the hottie in the waiting room?" The nurse, gawking alongside Dorothy at the desk said, "Oh yeah Colleen, we saw him. Guess who he's here to see?" Colleen knew it must be someone that worked there. She excitedly asked, "Who?" Dorothy just remained calm and whispered, "Dr. Quinn." Colleen and Dorothy looked at each other shocked, and also both smiling lightly. She picked up the phone and paged Dr. Quinn to the front desk.

Michaela had been busy, there had been multiple injuries, but none too serious, in a car accident this morning. Sometimes she wished that cars were never invented, but then she always reasoned that they were mostly a necessity these days. Coming around the corner looking up from the file she had in her hands, she saw Colleen and Dorothy talking and sharing a conversation at the desk. "Dorothy, did you take those records I asked for to my office?" Dorothy was a little surprised that Dr. Mike, as Michaela liked to be called, had walked into the area without her or Colleen noticing, they had been distracted though as they watched the man in the waiting room trying to figure him out. "Yes, Dr. Mike, I put them where you asked, along with the x-rays." Michaela seemed busy and distracted. Dorothy spoke, " You have a visitor in the waiting area." A visitor? Who would be visiting? She looked surprised and turned to see Sully. Turning back towards Dorothy she blushed to the lightest degree and went to hand Dorothy the file she was returning. Reaching out for the file, Dorothy was a little amused as Michaela bobbled the hand-off and the papers flew to the floor. "I'm sorry Dorothy." Dorothy smiled and said, Don't worry Dr. Mike, I'm sure you have other things on your mind. Colleen and Dorothy both looked at each other again and then started gathering up the papers.

"Sully, what are you doing here?" He knew she was genuinely surprised to see him here, he had hardly ever been in this hospital, but he had dropped by a few times when David had needed some things he had forgotten. He felt slightly out of place now, maybe he shouldn't have come. "I thought you might like some coffee, and a little company. If you don't have time, that's ok," he held out the bag,"I got you some water too, and a pastry." She was touched, he was nervous now and she hadn't meant to make him uncomfortable. "I'll see you later." He handed her the bag and coffee, and turned away. "No, Sully, wait, I have a short break, let's go to my office."

They entered her office and Michaela walked to her familiar chair that she spent many hours studying records and charts at. "Please have a seat." Sully noticed she was somewhat more structured here, but of course, she was in her professional environment. Sully had his coffee and Michaela opened the bag and removed the water and pastry. She smiled, "Thank you." He smiled back, "You're welcome." He let her settle into her chair. "I just wanted to say that I enjoyed our trip to the lake yesterday, I really am sorry I kept you out so late, so I brought this peace offering," he laughed. Michaela laughed too. "Really, it's fine Sully, I'm used to long hours at work, but this is nice." Sully smiled again. There was a lingering silence. "I was wondering if you would have dinner with me on your next day off." Michaela could feel the anxiety building, she wanted to be honest with him. "I don't know Sully, I don't feel much like being out in public right now. He quickly corrected himself, "Oh, I didn't mean go out, I meant at my place." Michaela could feel the anxiety again. "Sully, I'm just not sure that's a good idea, I don't know if I can come there and not think of David the whole time." Sully thought for a minute. He had just wondered earlier how she might come here every day, and get past the tragic location of David's death. Maybe finding a way to not avoid David, but rather, find a positive way to include him was best.

After David died and Sully returned home, it had been very difficult to pack all of David's things. Going through his personal property, deciding what was important and sending it all to his family. It was difficult, and one of the hardest things Sully had ever had to do, but in the end, it was important for him and David's family. He had found printed photos of David and Michaela, and he had gone to the local photo shop and had them copied. Sending the original photos to his family, he put the copies in an envelope. He didn't want to startle her talking about the pictures, but he simply said, "That's ok, I just had some things I wanted to give you, that I found while going through David's stuff. We don't have to, I can just send them to you. It's, uh... some pictures." He had debated for a while about when might be the right time to give them to her, maybe there wasn't a right time, but he felt better that she knew about them now. She got quiet, "Umm, ok, I guess I could come." She slowly drank her coffee and bit into her pastry. She seemed so small and unsure of herself. "Sully, can we go out on the boat again sometime?" He couldn't believe she had accepted for dinner, and he couldn't believe she was now asking to go back to the boat. He knew she was still uncomfortable being around people and places, but the positive outcome of his invitations were starting to show, she was initiating the contact. "Yes, of course we can. Michaela, if you enjoy going out on the boat, we can do that whenever you want." She looked down, "How about two weeks, since I've only got one day off right now." Sully took a sip of his coffee, "Yeah, two weeks sounds good, but you just let me know, anytime you want when I'm not away or I'm not working, we will go. She looked up, "Ok." Michaela smiled, "Sully, what time should I come over this week?" He thought for a minute, "Well, I"m going to go to the store the night before, so anytime you want to show up is fine with me. We can always find something to do before dinner, maybe a movie or something." She smiled a little, "Sully, it's not a date." He laughed, "Yeah, you're right, it's not a date, but maybe we could still watch a movie?" She smiled a little, looking down she noticed what time it was on her computer, "Ahh, I'm sorry Sully, I guess I need to get back to work. Thanks for the coffee and pastry, that was sweet of you. I mean, you didn't have to but you did, and that was nice." She knew she would ramble on if she didn't stop, so she stood up and walked around her desk to the door. He got up and followed her, "Well I'll see you soon Michaela, have a good day." She stopped and looked at him. "Have a good day Sully." She opened the door and held it as he walked past her, coming so close, he turned towards her as he passed by and they made eye contact. Time almost slowed down. He continued walking out to the elevator and Michaela followed him. He got in and turned around looking at her again. He raised his hand and waved, and Michaela slowly lifted her hand and waved back. The elevator doors closed and she realized she still had her arm bent and her hand up in the air, quickly she put it back down. She turned and walked to the desk. "Dorothy please let Dr. Cook know I will be in my office studying my patient's charts if he needs any assistance, please page me." Michaela turned and started to walk away. Dorothy sat at her desk, she had smiled as she saw him walk to the elevator. Something about this man told her that he might be the man that would help Dr. Mike overcome the trials of the last few months. She wasn't the same as she had been and who could blame her? It was all so tragic. Many people from work had tried to help her but she was just doing her job and going home. Dorothy, having known her since she arrived at the hospital and because they had become good enough friends, called out. "Uhh, Dr. Mike! Aren't you going to tell us who that fantastically handsome man was, all the nurses are buzzing around about him." Michaela, surprised that anyone would be making a fuss over someone they didn't even know, did consider his good looks. "He's just a friend Dorothy," as Dorothy went to say something else, Michaela cut her off, "of mine... and David." Anxiety building, Michaela quickly turned, "I'll be in my office."

Michaela closed the door, she looked at her desk, the coffee waiting on her return. She walked to her desk and immersed herself in her work.


	5. CH 5

*****Author's note: I'm going to go ahead and say to everyone that Michaela and Sully watch "Breakfast at Tiffany's" for the movie they suggested. Because I absolutely hate spoilers, I'm letting you know now that there are details of that movie and the end of the movie in this chapter, if you haven't seen it and are wanting to, I suggest you watch it before you read this.

Sully had been to the store last night and he picked up fresh fruit and all the ingredients he planned to use for the meal he was going to prepare. He knew this wasn't a date, as Michaela had stated but he wanted to make her something special. He had decided to make beef tenderloin with red wine sauce, red baked potatoes, and fresh spring peas. She had called him an hour ago and told him she was going to be there in about an hour. He had just gotten everything ready with measuring cups and left it on the counter top or in the refrigerator. He was glad she was coming over early, it would give them time to relax and take things slowly. He didn't want to just hand the things he had found over, he wanted her to be comfortable in this space first. He wanted her to be able to look at those pictures in her own time. He heard her car pull up and he got a little nervous, he just wanted her to be comfortable.

Walking up the pathway to Sully's house, Michaela realized that she felt different about coming here now. She was anxious and she knew it, but she needed to do this. How many times before had she visited this place when David was alive and life was new and exciting? They had mostly spent their time at her place but the occasional stop or evening spent here was enough to bring back a multitude of memories for her. She rang the doorbell and waited. Soon Sully opened the door and welcomed her. She could feel a thin layer of sweat cover her and then turn cold as she stepped inside. It looked a little different, but of course, it should look a little different. And there was an awkward silence between pleasantries. She briefly glanced down the hallway, David's room had been the second on the right. She was oblivious to anything else at the moment so when she heard the noise again, she realized that Sully must be talking to her. "Michaela?" She shook her thoughts back to a resting place. "I'm sorry Sully, what did you say?" He knew she must be inside her own head right now sorting through feelings. David had occasionally brought her over to watch a movie or make a quick stop before going off together. "I asked if you would like a drink? I picked up some red wine to use for dinner but there's plenty leftover, would you like a glass?" She didn't know if it was the right thing for her right now, but she was tense and she needed something to calm her nerves a little before he realized how sick this was going to make her. "Yes…..yes, I believe I would, thank you." Sully went to the kitchen as Michaela continued to look down the hallway and then managed to break the hold it had on her just before he returned. Sully handed her a glass and trying to cut the tension he just decided to move on. I've got everything ready to go for dinner but we've still got a little while, would you like to watch a movie? Realizing he had a drink in her hand and a suggestion of being closely seated all within the first few minutes, he thought maybe he should put her at ease. When she hesitated he quickly said, "It's not a date, of course, we can always watch Rambo, First Blood but I thought I'd let you pick." Michaela, realizing how tense she had become, relaxed and smiled. She laughed a little, "Maybe, I'll just take a look and see what I can find." Sully laughed and said, "That's probably best."

Michaela was distracted by her thoughts but she sat down and searched through movies as Sully cleaned up the kitchen and prepared all the pots and pans he would need. He finished what he was doing, poured himself a drink and went back to the living room. By then Michaela had made a decision. "I know it's old but I just feel like watching it, David always put up a fight but then he would always give in and watch it with me, it's one of my favorites." Sully smiled, "Well, I don't mind what we watch Michaela, as I said, it's your decision." Michaela smiled, "It's Breakfast at Tiffany's." Waiting for his reaction, she was surprised, "Oh, I've always heard people talk about that one, but I've never seen it. Yeah, if it's one of your favorites, I'm sure it's good." Sully was surprised, the movie was nothing like he expected and it was fairly complex. When Holly's brother died and the feathers floated all around the room it was tragically beautiful, and for Michaela she now knew what that felt like, unlike all the other times she had watched it. She had forgotten about that scene, so when it played she tensed up and her anxiety started to build again,a single tear fell from her face, but she managed to bring her emotions back to normal. Sully watched as Paul professed his love and then sat there thinking about if he should do the same.

When the end of the movie came around he recognized Holly for what she was, afraid. She was afraid to take a chance to find true happiness and that's why Holly and Paul had argued, just like he and Michaela had their own argument. Throwing Cat out in the rain wasn't what she wanted, but she was afraid. Sully wondered if he would reach the same conclusion that Paul did? He pretty much put everything on the line to tell her that she was only running from herself. Soon the two were realizing that they loved each other and they didn't have to be afraid anymore. Standing in the rain, embracing the cat and kissing each other, the song "Moon River" swelled in the background and it was over. There was a moment of silence, but wanting things to be pleasant that evening, Sully said, "Wow, that was a really great movie Michaela." She was shocked, "Did you really think so Sully?" He stood up and turned the lights on, "Yeah, I was expecting the typical romantic movie, but that movie has a lot of emotions, a lot of depth." She was happy he enjoyed it. He looked at her and said, "Well I guess I should get started on our dinner, it shouldn't take too long." She smiled, "I can help you if you like." He stopped her, "No Michaela, I want to do this for you, how about you just join me and keep me company though." She smiled, and said "Okay."

As Sully prepared the food they both were turned towards each other in the kitchen leaning against the countertop, Michaela was amused, he seemed very comfortable in the kitchen and she wondered if all those times David had brought some truly delicious looking food for work, if it had been because of Sully. She leaned forward and moved around him as he placed the steaks in the pan, "Sully, this is a surprise to me, how did you learn to cook so well?" Sully chuckled, "I don't suppose you thought David was cooking all that food he brought to work? It's difficult cooking for one person, so I made enough for both of us and we always split the grocery bill? They both laughed and Michaela confessed, "I was starting to feel inadequate around lunch time. They both laughed again. Then Sully got a little quiet. " My mother got sick when I was growing up, I had to take care of her and my brother while my father went to work." Michaela stared at him, amongst all the times she had been around Sully she had never really asked him about himself, of course she couldn't fault herself, she had been getting to know David on a much more personal level. "Oh, Sully I'm sorry, that must have been difficult." He froze for a second and gripped the fork he was using in his hand. "Yes, it was, but as time went on, I became pretty efficient at all the household duties.

When David moved here, he started helping me, he would mow the grass, and watch after my brother, while I finished cleaning. After a while he became good friends with my parents and he would help with my mom when she was in a hospital bed for a while. I suppose that's when he started thinking about becoming a doctor." He paused again. "Mom had breast cancer, it hit her pretty hard when she started getting treatments. I think David always hoped that he could maybe find a better way to treat people." He got a little sad, "Mom fought hard, but in the end it was just too much and she was too weak." He smiled a little, "she made it to the day after I graduated from high school." After that, David went off to Medical college and I stayed here, taking care of my brother and taking night classes at the community college. When David came back after all those years, he asked if he could be my roommate. I didn't mind, he had practically been a brother to me." Michaela listened to him talk and she realized that David was so much more than just Sully's best friend, they had become brothers. She realized that Sully had already lost so much, and because he already knew what this felt like, he was a little bit more prepared to deal with his emotions. But Michaela knew that loss never got any easier and for that reason despite his almost easy attitude, she could see the pain within him for both his mother and David. "I'm so sorry Sully, I didn't know about your mother, I didn't realize that David was much more than a friend, he was your brother." Sully breathed out, she finally understood how difficult this was for him. "Mom's been gone a long time Michaela….." she touched his arm, " It's okay if you still have deep feelings about that Sully, there's no time frame for grief." He looked down, "No I don't think there is, in fact, I don't think you truly ever get over someone you lose, you just learn how to go on without them. They're always with us though, in our hearts."

Sully realized that he had been ignoring their food for a little too long, he quickly turned. "Well, that was close, another few minutes and it would be a much different meal." He laughed. "Michaela can you hand me those plates?" He placed the Steaks on the plate alongside the potatoes he had baked in the oven. Pouring the wine in the skillet along with the other ingredients, he made the red wine sauce. Then he poured a spoonful of spring peas on the plate, mashed the potatoes with a large fork just to open them up, and sprinkled them with salt and pepper. He added a little bit of margarine, and sprinkled them with parsley. The finishing touch was the red wine sauce that had just finished being reduced. He poured it over the steaks. He looked at Michaela and said, "Dinner is served," then he winked at her. She smiled, and he said, "Please have a seat, I'll bring it to you. Would you like another glass of wine?" Michaela moved to the table and sat down. He had already set the table. "Yes, that would be perfect, thank you." Sully brought her plate and her glass of wine, and put it down, he went back to the kitchen and returned with his own plate and a glass of wine. "Well, let me know what you think." Michaela, promptly cut a small bite off of her filet mignon. It was perfect and the red wine sauce was just the right amount of flavor. "Mmmh, Sully this is amazing." He smiled. They both ate their food amongst small conversations, and they laughed and enjoyed themselves.

When dinner was through, Sully suggested that they go back to the living room. He knew it couldn't be avoided any longer. She sat down on the couch and Sully sat down in a chair next to her. He reached into a drawer on a side table and brought out an envelope. She felt her anxiety building, and Sully started to talk. "I debated when or if I should even give these to you, it just stirs up old memories and creates new wounds, but I know if anyone had pictures of me and David, or me and my Mom, I would want them." He reached out for her hand and she gave it to him, then he drew it closer to the envelope, turned her palm up and sat the pictures down in her hand. His fingers glided to the end of her hand and let go. She took the envelope and put it in her lap. Sully asked, "Do you want to look at those alone, I can leave if you do." She was looking down at the envelope and she reached out for his hand now. He took her hand and she gently squeezed it, "No Sully, please stay with me." Still holding her hand he got up and moved to her side, sitting close to her. Michaela opened the envelope and smiled, the first picture was of them at a Halloween party back at medical school. David had dressed as Indiana Jones and Michaela was dressed as his love interest, Marion Ravenwood. She told Sully that they had come in second in the costume contest but it had been great fun. There were a few pictures from that night. The second group of photos was from a community service project they had volunteered for. They were wearing shorts and t-shirts and they had been helping paint. Needless to say, some of the paint had ended up on their skin after they got into a small paint war. Michaela laughed, "David said it took a lot of soap to remove all the paint that had gotten all over him." She laughed. Moving along there were photo booth pictures that reminded her how youthful they had been back when they first met. Graduation, and residency, a lone photo from a selfie at a coffee shop where David had kissed her on the cheek. And lastly, a little mini vacation when she had first moved to Colorado, going to Denver for the weekend. When she got to the end, there was one random picture left. "Sully, we took this the week before he died, I think this must be the last picture we took together." She suddenly got sad, and she started to cry. Sully took her in his arms and spoke softly. "It's ok to cry Michaela, don't hold all that pain in." She leaned into his shoulder and just cried. She didn't want to get too emotional, so she tried to calm herself down. Pulling away slightly, she was suddenly face to face with him. Neither one of them could help themselves, as they slowly leaned in and pressed their lips gently together. It felt good, she needed to be kissed, it had been so long it seemed. She kissed him harder and he returned her affection. Suddenly she pulled back, "Sully, I'm sorry, I can't!" He tried to calm her, "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. He stood up and moved back to the seat he was in before. She looked at him, "I can't be what you want, when you kissed me, I only saw David." It hurt him to hear that but he understood. "Michaela, it's late, I don't want to ruin the memory of the things we shared tonight, I'm truly sorry. Since you've been drinking, you are welcome to stay. She knew he was right, she shouldn't drive, "Sully, there is no way I could sleep in David's room. I don't know." He looked back up at her, "I've never put any furniture back in there, you can sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on the couch." She went to interject, but Sully was adamant, "I'll sleep on the couch." He stood up and went to go prepare his room for her, he put new sheets on his bed and fluffed the pillows. He changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt. He brought her the same shirt he had put over her on the boat but when he got back to the living room, she was clinging to the pictures she had put back in the envelope and she was asleep. He gently picked her up, pictures and all, and put her in the bed, removing her shoes and leaving the shirt next to her for when she woke up.


	6. CH 6

Michaela woke up in an unfamiliar place, the last thing she remembered was laying on the couch clutching the pictures of her and David. She sighed, he must have carried her in here, to his bed. Why was he so good to her when she couldn't return his kindness? Truly, she knew she couldn't be the same for him as he was for her. She looked at her phone to see what time it was. It was 2:37 in the morning. Why was there a t-shirt in front of her? She picked it up and recognized it from the boat. He must have left it since she was still dressed in clothes that weren't really that comfortable to sleep in. She knew his shirt was so long on her because of her size, so she got up and took her clothes off and put the t-shirt on. It was the perfect night gown now. Laying back down she grabbed the shirt and her pictures and held them close to her as she went back to her thoughts. She had to find a way to tell him that she wasn't ready for another relationship. She wondered why he would even be interested at all? She was a mess, and she knew she was a mess. Still he was so sweet to her, he had even left a small light on the nightstand on, just so she wouldn't be in the dark in an unfamiliar room.

The kiss had brought their perfect evening to a halt. She had felt good about what they had shared with each other, no matter how painful it was for both of them. Michaela's thoughts drifted from David to Sully's mother. Such a tragic loss for him just out of high school. All this time focusing on how unfair everything was and he had been right there the whole time with his twice broken heart. Now she feared she would only break his heart again. It had happened so fast, she did want to kiss him, but even though it had felt nice, she could only imagine that it was David pressing into her. She missed him so much. She needed to stop this, if she couldn't get past him then she needed to just get away from everyone as much as she could. She didn't deserve Sully's affectionate caresses, his soft lips, the way he cared, she couldn't allow any of it. She lifted the t-shirt at the collar and rubbed it against her lips. It smelled like him. She would tell him in the morning that she needed a little space. She set her alarm on her phone for early so she could go home and get ready for work.

When her alarm went off, she got up and went to get dressed, however she could already smell breakfast. Opening the door she walked slowly to the kitchen and saw him making breakfast. He noticed her come into the room and he turned to see her wearing his shirt, it had been the perfect night gown, and she looked so appealing. He turned a little and dropped his spatula he was using. "Good morning," he said as he bent down to get the spatula and put it in the sink. He quickly grabbed another one from the drawer. I'm making omelettes, and I cut up some pineapple if you would like some. She wandered over to the kitchen. Here he was again being so kind, being perfect. "Sully, this really is too much, you didn't have to make me breakfast." He looked up, "I know, I wanted to." She sat down at the table and he soon made his way to her with a ham and cheese omelette with spinach, tomatoes, and mushrooms, and a small bowl of fresh pineapple. He set it down and went back to the kitchen for the two medium size glasses of orange juice, and two bottles of water. He was making this so hard for her. "I just figured you would be hungry before you went to work." She smiled and said "Thank You, and thank you for the pictures, I don't think I told you last night, I'm sorry I fell asleep before you came back." Sully smiled, "Well I was sure you would wake up at some point, and I can see you did, I hope you were comfortable." She looked down at the shirt, "Yes, I was, and thank you for that too….and your bed. It really is too much Sully." He smiled but he was concerned, was it too much? "Oh, well it was no problem." Maybe he was overwhelming her.

He started eating his omelette and she did too. Again, the food was amazing and Michaela was appreciative of his actions. She sat there eating the pineapple and looked at him. She knew he was in love with her, and she had to ask him. "Sully? Why do you love me? I don't deserve this with the way I've treated you." He was caught by surprise, he hadn't ever told her this much and yet she was calling him out. He stared into her eyes from across the table, there was no way he could try to pretend. His heart hurt that she didn't think she deserved his love, her confidence was gone, but he did internally acknowledge that she had hurt him quite a bit lately too. He knew that was because she had tried to push everyone away. His smile faded a bit, and he had a thousand reasons to tell her why he loved her, but he was going to acknowledge the reality that maybe she didn't feel the same way, so he simply looked her in the eye with pain in his heart and this time gave her the out that he had denied her before, "I don't know." They both stared into the others eyes as their chests rose more frequently than they had been before. She dropped her head, he had hurt her as much as he was capable of hurting her anymore, but also admitted that he was hopelessly in love with her. She knew she had a lot to think about and she knew his love was painful to him because of her rejection. "Sully, I know you have deep feelings for me, but I'm simply not able to return them right now, I hope you understand?" She looked into his eyes, but he remained silent. Feeling terrible about herself she quickly made her peace."Thank you for a perfect evening, and thank you so much for the breakfast, I think I really need to go now." Sully stood up, "Michaela please? I do love you." But she was almost in tears, she loathed herself at this moment for not being able to love him back. She quickly walked to the bedroom, gathered her things and got in her car.

Sully's world came crashing down, he was upset. He knew she was fighting the feelings within herself and he wondered if all the progress they had made was still intact or if he would have to start all over again. "Why did he put himself through this?" He was mad at David for dying and then he felt guilty for being mad. Of course that was no fault of David's, it was an accident. That was just his own anger at not being able to fix this, to make it better. Besides, he would not have allowed these feelings if David were still here. Sully started crying. He let the pain in his heart out and then he went and got in the shower. While he tried to calm down he thought about what he should do. Maybe he should just walk away, but that didn't seem right. He couldn't abandon her when she wasn't even thinking right. Maybe he should just tell her how he felt, but that was just asking for more of the same emotions he had just gone through. He decided that maybe he just needed to give her a little time. Time to figure out her own feelings. Surely, in time, she would come back to him, she would be ready to talk?

Weeks went by, Michaela had cancelled on their trip to the lake but he was ok with that since he wanted to give her space. He had a job in Denver he had to go do for a few weeks, and then after he returned it was off to England for a little while. He hoped he could talk to her before he left again. One day, while buying groceries, he ran into an attractive woman that seemed familiar to him but he couldn't remember how he knew her. She stopped him, "Hi, you may not remember me, but I work at the hospital, for Dr. Mike. My name's Dorothy. He introduced himself, curious about why she had stopped him. "I was just curious if you were still seeing her?" Great, that was all he needed, one of her friends hitting on him. He was surprised and all he could do at the moment was hesitate, "Uhhhm," he stammered around. The lady just kept talking. "You see, she's a good friend and I've just noticed that she's not quite herself lately." Wait? She wasn't trying to pick him up! Sully grew interested. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, but I don't think Michaela wants a whole lot to do with me right now. I haven't heard from her in weeks, really going on two months now." The lady stared at him, "Well I guess that explains it then, she's been working herself like mad for at least a month and a half now. I'm starting to wonder if she is okay?" Sully perked up a little more, "We kind of took a break, I've been letting her sort things out," it felt weird confessing to a stranger, but obviously the woman was worried about her friend. She looked at him, "Please, would you try to get in touch with her, she was doing so well for a while there, taking days off when she should, getting proper rest." Sully was worried but he didn't want to show how worried he actually was. Again, she had been left alone too long. "Thank you Dorothy, you are a good friend. I'll see if I can get in touch with her sometime." She thanked him and left. Sully truly was troubled by this news. He would send her a text later.

Michaela had gone into work that day picking up extra shifts, she was tired but she didn't want to be at home amongst her thoughts. No, work was safe, work was fulfilling for her. As she sat at the red light in front of the parking garage waiting for it to turn green, she wondered what Sully had been up to. For the first time in a long time she had not thought about David when she stopped here. Sully had sent her a text a few weeks ago and said he would be leaving for England next month, she thought and she wondered if she should meet up with him? It would be wrong to ignore him but somehow she just kept putting off the text that she had meant to send back. She was so deep in thought about it that she didn't notice when the light turned green, an impatient man behind her laid on his horn, and as she started to move a large truck flew through the intersection, narrowly missing her car. She couldn't think. She pulled into the parking garage and stopped the car, she was shaking, uncontrollably shaking. She started crying and she was hysterical. Colleen had been walking into the hospital and she saw what had happened. She ran over to Dr. Mike's car. "Dr. Mike are you ok?" But she wasn't ok, she was inconsolable. "Dr. Mike please, she called for help from the other staff and they took her inside and gave her an injection to help relieve her anxiety and the hysteria she had just displayed. Dr. Cook came in the room and asked what happened, Colleen spoke up and told him about what happened, noting that it was the same spot that David had died. He looked at Colleen, "We're going to keep her overnight and I'm going to recommend some rest, so just know that she won't be coming back to work for a few days." Colleen looked scared, he placed his hand on her shoulder, "Don't worry, she's going to be ok." Colleen smiled and said, "Thank you Andrew, then she caught herself, "I mean, Dr. Cook." He smiled, "It's quite alright, have a good evening Miss Cooper." Colleen blushed a little but then turned around, she walked over to where Dr. Mike lay in her hospital bed, it was Dorothy's day off or she knew she would be helping in here as well. She took a towel and softly patted the sweat on Dr. Mike's face. She wished things would turn around for her, if she kept up this pace and her reclusive nature, Colleen feared things would not go well in the future. She looked so peaceful in her sleeping state, the worries of her world were far away.

Sully had sent the text, hoping to reach her tonight, he planned to go out on the boat tomorrow and he wanted to invite her to come along. It was late now and he still didn't hear back from her, he decided that maybe she was busy and she would text him in the morning. Morning rolled around and there was still nothing, he decided he would just have to try again on a different day. He got up and started getting his things together, he packed everything into his truck and set off for the lake. When he got there he unloaded everything and one by one took everything down to the dock and then the boat, he had finally gotten prepared to leave by the time the sun had made its way high in the sky. It was beautiful today, the weather was perfect and the water felt nice. Sully swam around a little bit and decided to fish for a while. Not having too much luck today, he had released everything he had caught. He had enjoyed himself either way and he decided to go over to the beach and anchor the boat nearby. After anchoring the boat a safe distance away, he dove into the water and swam to the shore. Coming up out of the water, the last person he expected to see was Michaela. He was surprised and he walked closer to where she was. She hadn't seen him because she was lying in a beach chair with an umbrella over her and a book in front of her face. Keeping his distance he spoke, "Michaela?"

She heard him speak. Of all the times that she finally decided to take the doctor's orders and do something for herself, she could not believe that he was here now, standing in front of her. "Sully, hello, how are you?" Sully responded, still confused and in shock. "I'm good, how are you?" She didn't want to lie to him but she also didn't want to put her burden of the past day on him so soon. "I've been better, but I'm working on it." She held up the book. Sully smiled, he didn't want to pry. " Well good, I'm glad. "I'm out here on the boat today, would you like to come with me?" She looked at him, "sure." She smiled. He reached for her hand and helped her to stand. As they gathered her things to take back to her car he spoke "I... uh, I sent you a text last night to see if you wanted to come with me, did you not get it?" Michaela smiled, "No, I didn't." She kept walking and reached her car. Putting her things away and locking her car she wondered how they would get back to the boat with her bag, and towel. Holding them up she looked at Sully. "Just go over to the shore over there where it's clear, I'll come pick you up." She laughed, "Oh thank goodness, I thought I was going to have to swim with one arm in the air" They both laughed. After Sully swam back to the boat he slowly made his way close to the shore. She handed him her things and walked through the knee high water to climb onto the boat. He assisted her by taking her hand and pulling her up. His other hand, reaching out to her midsection when she quickly propelled herself up, and became unstable. He laughed, "Whoa there!" She smiled and they continued onto the boat. Sully went to the console and started the boat, slowly backing away and lowering the engine. In a short time they were riding around the lake. Sully headed towards the marina Cafe and stopped for some food. They ate on the boat and then rode out to the far side of the lake. It was beautiful, and Michaela felt the tension in her body ease, she had been rather stressed out lately but for some reason, this lake was her place of comfort, other than the hospital of course. But here there was no work, she could just enjoy the scenery and feel the cool wind in her hair. A perfect place to swim in the cool waters while the sun warmed her skin. She loved it here and it showed. Unbeknownst to her, Sully realized that the lake was her favorite place to be, other than maybe the hospital. She was truly radiant here, and he knew it was good for her soul, even if she didn't realize it. Pulling into their favorite cove he stopped the boat and lowered the anchor. They jumped in and swam to shore, jumping off the rocks and laughing. They swam out in the water and just enjoyed themselves. It was getting later in the day and Sully began swimming back to the boat, he called to her, "come on, we should take a break." Climbing up the ladder, she watched him dry off. He was a rather handsome man, she hoped one day, if she could allow herself, they could maybe be more than friends. Michaela had climbed back into the boat, she used her towel to dry off and laid it on the seat while she lay down on the chaise chair to soak up the last rays of the day and dry off. Sully glanced over, he couldn't help keeping his eyes from wandering. She was so beautiful, the sunlight kissed her skin and he hoped someday maybe he might do the same. He wanted so much to be a part of her life, to help with her hopes and dreams. Maybe start a family. He shook himself out of his thoughts, start a family? He couldn't even kiss her yet, he had a long way to go.

He slowed the boat and dropped the anchor, this was the same place they had watched the sun set before. There wasn't another soul around. He walked up to where she was. " I promise I won't keep you out as long as last time Michaela, I know you have to work tomorrow." She was smiling and when he mentioned work, she pressed her lips together and sat up. Reaching into her bag she removed his shirt, and put it on. Sully was surprised to see it but he wasn't mad that she had kept it, it seemed to bring her comfort. She looked up at him, "I hope you don't mind?" He looked into her eyes, "No, I don't mind." She smiled a little, "Actually, I don't have to go to work tomorrow." Sully was surprised, "Oh, are they finally hiring more doctors?" She looked down, "No," she paused for a long time, "I suppose I should tell you what happened yesterday, why I didn't answer your text." Sully immediately became concerned, he sat down next to her. Michaela recounted the events that had brought her out to the beach today as Sully stared at her. After she finished telling him what happened, she let a tear slip from her eye. Sully gasp her name, "Michaela!" He wrapped her in his arms holding her tight. "God, if I had lost you! I wouldn't be able to go on." Still holding her tight he rubbed her back. And she let him, and it felt good in his arms as he eased the tension she had carried around all day. He got up and went to the back, reaching in the storage compartment he retrieved a quilt. Laying it down on the deck of the boat he reached for her hand. She stood and walked over to him. Their eyes were searching each other's as he looked for a sign that he should stop, but there were no such signs, she wanted to be with him. Kneeling down, she let him remove the shirt and she laid down on the blanket. It was now just her bikini that was left. He put his hand on her body and slowly started touching her in a way she could only now remember as a distant memory. He had crossed the line once again.


	7. CH 7

Michaela stopped his hands, and turned her head away. She let a tear fall from her eye that was away from him. "Sully," she breathed, " I….I can't." Sully slowly removed his hands from her body, and backed away from her. "Michaela, I think you've been alone for long enough." She had longed for this very thing but once it was actually happening and she felt his warm hands, all she could feel when it did happen was the last time David had touched her in the same way. She trembled, " Maybe you're right, but when you touch me and I close my eyes, I just feel him." Sully wanted to be patient with her, but he didn't know how he could ever progress their relationship if she wouldn't even let him touch her. Defeated, he spoke softly. "Michaela, what am I supposed to do? Please tell me." She didn't know, she just knew they couldn't start things off this way, or maybe she just needed more time. She was frustrated and disappointed with herself. "Maybe I just need more time." Sully looked at her with love, "If that's what you really want," he paused and then continued speaking softly, "more time."

He started to move back a little bit. She was so frustrated with herself, was she really going to let the past decide her future? Was she really going to let this terrible tragedy exclude her from real happiness? She called out, "Sully wait," she was breathing quickly and she said, " It's what I feel, it's not what I want, maybe one more try." He stopped moving and came closer again. He could already see the fear in her eyes that despite her efforts, she just couldn't get past the feeling. But she was trying, and that was another step that she had taken. He withheld himself, "Look at me Michaela," She was closing her eyes and trembling slightly. She slowly opened them and looked right into the crystal blue illuminated by the setting sun before her, he had such beautiful eyes, and the strong features that formed his face were so defined, so handsome. "Now close your eyes," she did as he asked and waited. So far, she felt safe and he was still in her mind, but she was afraid of the next step, because she didn't want this to stop. As much as she had loved David, she wanted this relationship with Sully, she wanted to give herself to him. She was waiting on his touch, hoping she wouldn't lose Sully to the same feel of a man's touch that was no more.

Sully crawled over her but he didn't touch her yet, he positioned himself to move around her closely. And it was tempting to try again, her soft skin was so beautiful, so desirable. He gently lowered his head to her. She heard him breath in slowly but deeply, and as she anticipated his kiss from the warmth of his body, he moved his lips to the side of her neck. Decidedly soft and like a gentle kiss, he let the air leave his lungs in a small gently flowing stream of cool barely noticeable pressure. She quickly breathed in a short, sudden breath, exhaling quickly and breathed in again and held it. This was different, she was expecting his lips, his touch. The desire she felt boldly inflamed her, a soft blush was building heat. She was so quiet and breathed out from holding her breath. She couldn't believe she seemed to be moving past a barrier now. Still making small gasping noises, she slowly turned her head, elongating her neck and anticipating more. The surprise of not actually touching her skin had worked, and Sully was pleased that she was accepting his unconventional caresses. The air tickled her skin in all the right places as he moved across her neck and up and down her throat. Sully slowly made his way to the other side of her neck just below her ear and he softly blew out the last of his air as he paused there. Trying to remain smooth and calm he gave himself a break by opening his mouth enough to force the hot breath against her as he breathed in and exhaled against her sensitive skin. The cool air stopped at the area below her ear and she hadn't thought about David at all, all she could feel was the unrestrained longing that Sully had brought her to. All she could imagine was him moving about her body. Then things changed, the coolness that lingered was replaced by a warm breath of air and then another. She gasped softly and a soft moan left her throat, totally involuntary of her own will to do so. He breathed a few hot breaths against her and gently started breathing in again through his nose. She smelled of sunblock and summertime with the faintest hint of lavender oil, it was intoxicating. She thought he would start with her neck again but he had quickly moved to the area right below her breast. When he started again her breath hitched in her throat as her stomach muscles quickly contracted and held their position. Soft cool air played along her torso as he caressed all the gentle curves. She was tense but only because of the sexual tension he had created within her. He moved his way down to her hip bone, where her bikini was tied with two small straps. He crossed over the small ties and started down the outside of her thighs, stopping at a sensitive spot half way down. He paused and breathed the warm breaths onto her, afterwards collecting more air. This time he started where he stopped and blew the steady stream back up the side, up over the tie, and over to where the skin of her leg met the fabric of her bikini. He traced the line down to the inside of her leg and went past her knee, down her leg, to the bottom of her foot. The bottom of her toes were treated to his warm breath. This time as he stopped and crawled back up to her face, he only focused on one thing, the lightest of breaths blowing even more slowly and gently against her lips with the most delicate, cool pressure. Sully slowly moved his head from side to side so the air gently caressed across her full lips. The air stopped, and her lips were warm as he exhaled. Michaela's brow creased as she received his love and as she processed her own desire. She had bit her lip to hold back the passion that now burned inside of her. She now released some of her tension as her lip slowly slid from under her teeth and she parted her lips ever so slightly and breathed in. Their breathing was starting to synchronize and he waited. Slowly she opened her eyes, he was so close, and her hand moved from her side to her body as she ran her hand up herself, across her chest to her beating heart, finally reaching out and touching his face. Sully just searched her eyes. The love was there, it was burning bright. She gently caressed his cheek and face with her thumb, eventually her index finger slowly moved across his bottom lip from one side to the other. Still he waited for her. She stopped and removed her hand searching his eyes. She moved her hand back to his face and caressed his ear as her hand ran through his hair and reached to the nape of his neck. She slowly moved into him and he moved closer as well. Closing her eyes, she placed the most gentle kiss on his lips backing away and opening her eyes again. Still he waited. She leaned in again, closed her eyes and kissed him harder, once again withdrawing and searching. He waited, and it was killing him but he wanted this to be her decision. She looked at him with great seriousness, and smiled ever so slightly. "Sully? Touch me."

He gently placed his hand on her but he didn't move it, he just let the warmth sink in. It rested against the top right side of her torso. Sully used his other arm to support himself as he moved closer again. He didn't want to overwhelm her, he wanted her to stay with him in the present. Leaning over her he blew soft air across her chest, along the tops of her breast and back to the hollows of her neck. He leaned in close and gently kissed the sensitive spot behind her ear, then her chin, then her lips. It was gentle and slow and sensual. Now sharing a passionate slow kiss, that begged for air but received none, he slowly started moving his hand. Gently stroking up and down her body. His touch was different, and she could feel that now. Arching her body against him, Sully lowered his body so his weight pressed against her and she let him continue as they gently rocked with the gentle roll of the small, rolling waves that met the boat. He kissed her throat and moved to the side of her neck, reaching down for the ties that held her swimsuit, she clung to him as she raised her leg to his body and ran her fingers through his hair. "Sully…"


	8. CH 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** Authors note: Well I guess people would like to hear more from this story, so I've decided to continue. I was just going to write it all and then post a chapter at a time, but I feel like if I keep everyone waiting too long, then it wouldn't work. Just know that the pace might slow down because by continuing this story, I have to make it work, and I have a touch of writer's block. I'll just say, things will change for Sully and Michaela, so if you are fine with the ending I already wrote, I would stop there. If you want more of the complexities of a relationship based on such conflicts, then read on, and certainly, leave a review/comment every now and then. Thank you to the ones that encouraged me to continue.

She felt warm for the first time in a long time. No bitter tears, stress filled nights alone, or shattered dreams that had become nightmares. She was wrapped up and tangled in his arms. Their skin touched in as many places as it could, as their feet softly caressed the other's. Sully just held her close, caressing her, kissing her softly. He couldn't describe what had just happened but he was fairly sure they had both just found some kind of redemption. The night sky was dark and the stars were shining brightly. They shimmered in the reflection of the water as the two of them breathed in the peaceful, fulfilling breath of their satisfied passion. By now the lake was smooth as glass. Knowing they couldn't stay secluded for too much longer before the night fishermen made their presence known, he whispered, "how about we go for a swim?" She laughed a little and said, "I don't know, I'm pretty happy right here." He laughed a little, "Me too, but when do you get the chance to play among the stars." She smiled. Biting her lip, she put her hands down and lifted her body to move up to face him. She searched his eyes, leaning in she kissed him, and then she kissed him again. She whispered, "come on." Laughing and preparing herself for the cold water, she looked back, dipping her toes in, I don't think you're going to like this Mr. Sully. He moved to the front of the boat, turned on some music, covered himself with his hand and jumped in. She laughed and jumped in from the side of the boat. Surfacing they turned and found each other, they were both gasping a little from the sudden coldness. Quickly making their way to each other, they embraced and spun in a circle, laughing. With a shivering lower lip, Sully said, "Who's idea was this?" Michaela laughed, "Not mine." He moved in close and wrapped one arm around her. "Yeah, but look all around us." She started looking all around, and there were stars everywhere, it was so beautiful. He kissed her and said, "Dance with me?" Frank Sinatra's "Fly Me to the Moon" was playing and Michaela smiled as they slowly twirled around in the water. Eventually the song ended and everything felt so right. Laughing they made their way back to the boat, pausing at the ladder, kissing passionately. They both climbed back up to the boat and dried themselves with towels. Michaela put on the shorts she had in her bag and she reached down on the deck of the boat and retrieved his shirt. Sully had put his swim trunks back on and walked over to her. He took the shirt from her hands and just like the first time he had covered her, he flipped it right side out and pulled it over her body. "Now dance with me up here." He pulled her close, and Adel's "Make You Feel My Love" started playing. Michaela let her hands slide up his sides and she held onto him as she laid her head against his chest. He rubbed his hands up and down her back as they slowly circled and he slid his hand to the small of her back as he reached for her hand with the other one. They were nestled up against each other and Michaela softly sighed. Sully smiled and kept leading her in a slow circle as the music ended. Lifting her head, Michaela looked into his eyes, he had changed her whole world. It felt wonderful.

Sully started the boat and took them to the marina, as they pulled into the spot he kept his boat in, men were showing up to fish at night. It was clear that the two returning were there for very different reasons and Michaela blushed slightly as they passed on the dock. They got to his truck and Sully led her to the passenger side, protected from their view, holding her hand. He stopped in front of the door and put his arms around her on each side pressing her against the truck, his right hand moved to her waist, caressing her over the fabric of what was now their favorite t-shirt. He leaned into her and kissed her with passion. She kissed him back and breathless, they both pulled back a little as she smiled. He whispered against her ear, "I'll take you to your car, please say you'll stay with me tonight." She whispered back, "I'll stay, but let's make it my place, not yours." Sully was a little surprised, but he wanted to make her as comfortable as possible, so he readily agreed. 

When they got back to her house they couldn't stop touching each other and Sully put his arms around her waist and kissed her neck as she unlocked the door. She led him upstairs and they took a shower together, but as far as making love again went, they didn't. They just washed each other's hair and bodies and dried each other off. Sully gently brushed the tangles out of her hair and she dried it with the hair dryer. Crawling into bed with him, they simply clung to each other letting their skin find refuge in the soft silkiness that they both enjoyed, and let sleep take them to the most restful night either one had experienced in quite a while. Michaela woke first and she just lay there completely still, listening to him breath and hearing his heartbeat. She felt a little guilty, she had never felt like this with David and she didn't know where this was leading. It frightened her to think she could fall so fast, just letting all her walls crumble. She looked up at him, he was handsome, he was loving, what more could she want? Troubled but not knowing why, she laid her head back against his chest and went back to sleep. 

She could feel his hands caressing her back, and it truly felt wonderful, she was awake again but she laid there for a minute just to enjoy it. Smiling, she lifted her head, looked up at him, and said in a sultry voice. "I'm starting to think Dr. Cook was right when he told me I needed to take a few days off." She looked back down to his chest and gently kissed his skin. "This is heaven Sully." She moved up his body and kissed him on the lips. He put his arms around her and rolled, so she was now looking up at him. " You make it difficult to think about anything else but taking time for ourselves Michaela." He kissed her lightly, and then he started kissing down her body. Michaela giggled and then put her hand in his hair. They wouldn't be leaving the bedroom any time soon, as they were committed to loving each other with care and tenderness. Eventually, they needed food, and so reluctantly they left their sanctuary and made their way to the kitchen. Sully made her an omelette out of the things she had in her refrigerator and poured her a small glass of orange juice, setting a glass of water beside it. He always gave her more, always going the extra step to make her happy, to keep her from wanting. It was as simple as a glass of water next to a glass of orange juice. He set it down and he whispered, "I love you," against her ear. She looked up and kissed him softly, "Thank you, Sully, you are too good to me." He smiled and went back to his chair, enjoying the time together. 

They spent a lot of the day together and Sully had to go home for a little while to sort out some paperwork he needed. She kissed him at the door and said, "I'll be waiting," then she looked into his eyes and kissed him again. He backed away smiling and almost tripped over the front step. She was concerned but she laughed too, he couldn't get enough of her. Grinning from ear to ear he backed away still and got into his truck. Michaela closed the door, she was feeling his love. She smiled and went to her bed where she collapsed and sighed, letting herself enjoy the moment. 

Sully returned later that night and they made love in her bed just like they thought this could mean forever, for the rest of their lives. Michaela had to go to work in the morning, so they cuddled up and caressed one another until sleep called after them and they followed. In the morning they both got up and dressed, ate breakfast and left the house at the same time. Sully had arrangements he had made to finalize his trip to England. He was meeting with a travel agent in a few hours. Michaela was excited to get back to work and they stopped outside as if they just remembered, around all their preparedness, that they had just spent the last few days together. He moved over to her and kissed her firmly, " Have a wonderful day my love, I love you." She smiled and kissed him back, "Be careful, I'll see you after work," she leaned in and kissed him again, this time with passion, thinking it must be getting late, she pulled back, and said, "Sully, I really have to go now," then she kissed him one more time and pulled herself away. Leaving him was not so easy when all she wanted was to be in his arms. She hopped in her car and left for the hospital. Sully waved and he was so happy, he went to his truck and got in. 

When Michaela got to work, everyone noticed a difference, she smiled and she told everyone good morning. Dorothy couldn't believe the difference, and she figured, maybe those few days off had done her some good. She followed Dr. Mike to her office to give her a chart for her first patient and she decided to ask her how her days off were. She hadn't been at work the day Michaela had almost had the accident, so she wanted to tell her that she knew what happened and she was glad to see her again. "Dr. Mike, I sure was sorry to hear about what happened, and I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. If there's anything I can do to help you, just let me know? You seem to be doing well, did you have a good few days to rest?" Michaela smiled to herself, she thought about the last few days. Her cheeks blushed a little and she bit the side of her cheek, but she couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. "They were wonderful days Dorothy, thank you for asking." Dorothy smiled, she didn't think anyone would smile like that and not have a reason. Michaela was practically glowing with happiness. She just had to say something. "Well you look well. Say, I saw your friend at the grocery store, you know, the one from the other day." Michaela lowered her head and smiled again, and Dorothy knew that they most certainly had been in contact, as he said he would try to do. "Come on Michaela, you can't smile like that and not tell me something, we're friends." She looked up, yes Dorothy was her friend, she felt safe telling her about how wonderful her time off had been. Dorothy smiled as she noticed how pleased Michaela was telling of the time she had spent with Sully. He was good for her, and she felt like she should tell her so. "Dr. Mike, I think Sully is the best thing to happen to you in a while, it's clear to me that you both need each other." Michaela smiled, was it so clear, she wondered?

Sully couldn't get her off his mind, he loved her so much, she surely loved him too. They had spent some wonderful time together, he could only imagine how hard it would be when he had to leave her and go to England. It was a week and a half away. He spent the day finalizing plans and getting his things together. He needed to pack soon. When Michaela left the hospital that evening, she called Sully and told him to meet her at her house, she was tired but happy. Coming home to meet him didn't feel like another burden, it felt exciting. She was home for about fifteen minutes when she heard his truck pull up in front of her house. She went to the front door and opened it wearing their shirt, "What took you so long, I was waiting for you to get here so I could take a shower," she smiled? Sully was restraining himself from how turned on he was, he smiled and made his way over to her, reaching for her side and slowly moving his hand around to her back, he had his other hand behind his back. " I had to pick something up," he pulled a single orange and pink rose from behind his back and offered it to her. She couldn't imagine her smile feeling any bigger, and he quickly put his other hand to her face and she wrapped her arms around him as they kissed. He picked her up and carried her straight to the shower, the rose lay on the sink and the familiar t-shirt fell to the floor. Knowing she needed to relax from her day, he massaged her shoulders, back, and neck. Running his hands over her body he slowly used his fingers to knead the tightness from her muscles. This was his way of giving her more of him, to love her with a passion and tenderness that could not be matched. Using the palm of his hands he pressed firmly into her muscles at the base of her back and slowly ran them all the way up, as she had her hands against the tile and tried to suppress the moans that were leaving her throat. He moved against her and wrapped his arms tightly around her, she stood up straight and formed herself against him as much as she could. Sully kissed her neck and teased her by running his hand down the front of her body, drawing it back up and covering one of her breast. She reached over her head and took his hair into her hands holding him against her, hoping to convey the euphoria Sully was providing. She slowly started turning around and he loosened his hands so she could turn, but he was still holding her close. She breathed heavily and said, "take me to bed." They made love and slept within embraces that were warm and comforting. 

When she opened her eyes the next morning the rose sat in front of her on the nightstand in the tallest glass Sully could find. She was still wrapped up in his arms so he must have gotten up in the middle of the night. She smiled and enjoyed the embrace. He woke up and kissed her shoulder. "What time is it?" Michaela sighed and then groaned a little, "time for me to get ready for work unfortunately." Sully kissed her back and loosened his arms as she pulled away and stood. He breathed a heavy sigh and got up. 

They continued to meet at Michaela's house for the next few days. It was so blissful every evening, and frustratingly happy every morning. As they parted the next day, Sully breathed in a heavy breath and said, "I need to pack my bag for my trip, will you come to my place tonight?" Michaela smiled, she had been dreading this though, she hoped she wouldn't have to deal with the emotions that had played against her for so long. She kissed him softly, and meekly said "yes." He could feel the tension she was letting build up in her body, he kissed her, and then kissed her again, and then let her go. She got in her car and went to work. 

Dorothy noticed something was off today, so at a slow time in the day and having a break, she knocked on Michaela's door. "Dorothy, hello." Michaela greeted her. "Is there something wrong?" Dorothy smiled, "No, I was just coming to check on you, you seem a little off today." Michaela sighed, there was no fighting it. "Yeah, I know." Dorothy sat down across from her, "Well do you want to talk about it?" Michaela shifted and breathed in a heavy breath, "I don't know, the past week has just been so wonderful." She smiled but it quickly faded, "I just, I just don't know what I'm going to do when Sully leaves." Dorothy smiled, "Well Michaela, I know Sully's been helping you find happiness again, and it will be difficult, but he'll be back." She half smiled again, "I know, but he wants me to come over to his place tonight, and I don't know, I guess I just feel weird about being there with Sully, I mean…...intimately…. when David and I spent so much time together there." Dorothy noticed the look of confusion and frustration on Dr. Mike's face. "And….I…..I don't want him to go." She put her hands to her face rubbing the stress away and catching a tear that built in the corner of her eye. Dorothy knew that Michaela and Sully were probably in for an interesting evening. She wondered. "Well have you told him about your concerns?" Michaela was nervously chewing on her lip. "No, everything has been so wonderful, I just, I don't know…..maybe I've been avoiding it?" She fidgeted with her pencil, and before she knew it, she had knocked her pen onto the floor. She huffed a little as she picked it up, "I'm sure you're right though, I should probably just tell him how I feel." Troubled, she placed the pen and pencil back together. Dorothy looked at her friend with compassion, "Everything's going to be fine Michaela, he loves you, and you love him, right?" Dorothy had no idea what she had just discovered. Michaela was getting anxious, she looked straight at Dorothy, and said, "I don't know? I'm not sure I can love him?" Dorothy was floored, the man that made her glow, the man that supported her in every way, the man that loved her beyond all people? I don't know? "Dr. Mike? He loves you, more than anyone else, how can you not love him? You smile every time you mention his name, you blush when you tell me about your evenings?" Michaela got slightly defensive. She was flustered, "It's complicated….." even that, had sounded like an excuse in her head, "I'm sorry Dorothy, I just remembered I have a video conference to attend, will you please excuse me. We'll talk tomorrow, I promise." It had never been something she did, but it had just been so easy, the lie she told to avoid how uncomfortable she was becoming.


	9. Ch 9

Michaela got out of her car and taking a deep breath walked up the steps to the door. She knocked and waited. Inside, Sully was bringing his suitcase to the living room. When he heard the knock, he set his stuff down and went to the door. Opening it, he smiled, although he was a little disheveled from the stress and strain of getting his things together. "Well hello," he said as he smiled. Michaela smiled and kissed him as she walked into his apartment. Sully closed the door and anxiously said, "I'm almost done packing and then I thought we could spend some time together." Michaela smiled and quietly answered, " yeah, that would be good," as she dropped her eyes to the side while looking at the floor. Sully could feel her tension and anxiety. He stopped what he was doing and went to her. "Michaela, what's wrong?" He took her by the shoulders and rubbed her gently with his thumbs. "Nothing, I'm just tired." She avoided eye contact until she could compose herself enough to be convincing. He put his arms around her and rubbed her back while he said, "Long day at work, huh? Why don't you go lay down on my bed and I'll finish packing, you can take a nap." She smiled and said, "okay."

Michaela walked back to Sully's bedroom and on her way she just stared at David's door. How many times had she stayed over, while Sully was away for work? She walked over to the door, checking to listen and see if Sully was still going through his things in the living room. Slowly turning the door knob, she looked at a vacant room, no furniture, no personal items, just an empty room. She couldn't help the tears that started to well in her eyes. It was overwhelming. She stepped back and closed the door, not noticing that the latch hadn't clicked and the door was still able to open, she made her way to Sully's room and laid on the bed, hoping that the tears would stop and Sully wouldn't find her this way. She was frustrated, and tired, and sad, and depressed, and nostalgic, and neither here nor there, and anxious all at once. She had felt different for quite some time, and as much as she wished for happiness she couldn't find it, even with a fantastic guy in her life. She knew what was going on, she didn't need her medical degree to figure it out either. She had volunteered at a VA clinic and seen it many times in the soldiers coming home, post traumatic stress. It had been easy to recognize in them, and of course it should have been, there were plenty of factors to cause such a thing. But she recognized the treatment of giving them drugs to numb the pain as exactly what it had been, an easy way to ignore the problem. It had been difficult but she did her research and often recommended alternative treatments. That was easy to suggest, but she never dreamed she would be experiencing the same emotions in her own life. This was hard, everything that was going on in her life pointed to happiness, but she had never felt so alone. Sully was her hope, but she didn't want to admit that she was getting mixed signals from her heart and her brain. In her heart she knew there was no better man for her, but in her mind she just couldn't make this work, and now he was leaving. Work would have to be her refuge while he was away. She had made up her mind, but David's room just kept coming back into her mind. There was nothing in there, nothing, not one single sign that he had ever been there. She had loved him, and he went away and there was nothing left. Nothing left of their love but the memories they made and the ones she kept near her heart. The stress was building and she couldn't take it, but she managed to calm down, and she was very tired. Shifting around and then shifting again she finally committed to staying flat on her back and she closed her eyes and rubbed her hand over her heart trying to make it feel warm, but the coldness lingered and eventually she put her hand back down at her side and stared at the ceiling until she slowly closed her eyes. Besides the recent development of spending her evenings in Sully's arms, she had been suffering from insomnia which had been getting progressively worse. She really needed him to stay, she had needed David to stay. Tears ran down her cheeks and she drifted away from her thoughts.

Sully had been packing his bag, he had finally finished with his clothes and he was now going down a checklist he had made for all the other items he would need for work and his personal comfort. This was a big job he had going on and he couldn't afford to go wrong on it. He gathered everything on the list except his passport and started packing them. He couldn't stop thinking about how lonely it would be without her. The time he had spent with her was what he always wanted in life and he knew one day when the time was right, he would ask her to marry him. Sully smiled, he would be patient, but the thought had been on his mind more lately than it ever had. He continued packing and finally finished, he just needed to get his passport from his room. Smiling, he thought about checking on Michaela too. As he walked down the hallway he noticed something strange, David's door was slightly open. He always kept that door closed, it was still too painful to see it so empty, but he had a hard time adjusting to just turning that room into another bedroom or office, and he wouldn't think of getting another roommate. It had been Sully's gratitude and love that had made him accept David as his roommate in the first place. Walking to the door he opened it and looked around, so empty, his life was totally different now. A big part of that was Michaela, and Sully felt a little guilty knowing that the whole reason he knew her at all was because of David. He wondered, no, he knew that she had opened the door to this room. He went to his bedroom door and opened it quietly. Michaela was sleeping peacefully and he walked over to his night stand, removing his passport. He looked at her face and her eyes looked puffy. Her face showed the evidence of two tears that had run down each side of her cheeks. He wanted to wrap her in his arms but from the looks of it, she hadn't been asleep for long and he knew he should just let her rest. Walking back to the living room he placed his passport in his bag.

He took a shower and dried his hair. Putting on some boxer briefs he walked back to his bedroom and laid down next to her. He gently moved up beside her and put his arm across her, managing to lightly embrace her but not wake her up. He felt pain for her, just looking at her face, realizing that she was still fighting the hurt that had stayed with her all this time. She was so fragile, and yet he knew she was one of the strongest women he had ever known. His mind wandered back to his mother. She had been the strongest woman he had ever met, never failing to make things better for him despite her diagnosis. Doctors couldn't save her from that terrible disease, and although he couldn't truly blame them, he had briefly hated them for it. Unjustified in his reasons, he still needed someone to blame and his mother had explained to him that he should be thankful to them, because they were trying so very much to make her better. Here he was, completely in love with a doctor and he couldn't imagine ever resenting her the way he had resented them. That was a long time ago when he was young, and Sully realized that it was going to be a very long time before Michaela would be truly happy. For now he would simply hold her, he didn't want her to feel anymore pain. He closed his eyes and wished for the day when she could truly open her heart again.

Michaela was having a dream, it was the last time she and David had been together. She could feel him beside her, his arm across her as they looked into each other's eyes. He looked at her and said, "I love you." It was crystal clear. It was like he had actually spoken in the room and she startled herself awake to find Sully beside her. Her heart was pounding, and she started to sweat a little. Her breathing was slightly erratic, she couldn't do this, she tried to move his arm and not wake him. When his eyes slowly opened, he said her name, but he was confused by her behavior. She quickly got out of the bed. "Michaela what's wrong?" He quickly became very alert. "Sully I heard David's voice like he was right here…" she was moving and she was nervously putting her hands all over herself. "I need to get out of here." He was panicking, "Wait, Michaela, wait?" She didn't stop,she ran to the front door picking up her keys and rushed outside. Sully quickly got out of bed, he didn't care that he was wearing only his underwear, he raced after her, and rushing out the door he managed to catch her, but she quickly turned and sternly warned him, "Don't." He let go. She stared at him and started to cry. He didn't know what to do, she didn't want him to touch her. So he went to the steps and sat down, reaching out for her hand as he looked at the ground. She was terrified, she slowly reached for his hand and he led her to his side as he reached around her and rubbed her back. She laid her head against his shoulder and just cried. After a while, he pulled her closer and she let him. "Do you want to talk about it?" She wiped her eyes trying to stop, and raised her head. "I just, I don't even feel like myself anymore Sully. All these years studying and learning to become a doctor and being responsible, I just, I can't be that person right now." She was so troubled, "Most days I don't want to leave my house anymore and when I do, I come home and go to bed, but I haven't been able to sleep for a while now….. until, well, until we've been together. Sully I need you here, I need you to stay, I can't do this alone" She broke a little again but recovered. "Please stay." She was begging him and it was breaking his heart. He had to go on this trip, there was no questions that he needed to go, but with her sitting here begging him, he was seriously battling with his emotions. "Michaela, I have to go, I can't stop that now." She hung her head, "I know, it was unfair for me to ask you that. Sully, I just don't know what I will do when you're gone. I was dreaming about the last time David and I were together in there, in that room that is now empty, with no sign he was ever there. Why haven't you put something in there." He breathed a deep breath, "Because it still hurts me too Michaela, I still miss him too and I can't put anything in there right now." She leaned her head back up against him.

"He told me he loved me, and it sounded like he was right next to my ear. I woke up after that. Seeing you next to me, I just have a hard time knowing that I've betray…..I've betrayed him with his best friend." Sully felt the pain, he had also been feeling guilty. "Michaela, I've been feeling some guilt as well, but I know David would want us to be together. I know he trusted both of us with his heart." She thought it over a bit, "Sully, what time does your flight leave tomorrow?" He caressed her shoulder, "8 A.M." She looked into his eyes, "It's late, I can't be with you here, not in this place. I'm sorry." She stood up and walked to her car. He watched her struggling with her emotions, this felt wrong, he shouldn't let her leave, but he knew she couldn't stay with him here. She got in her car and drove home. Crying a little on her way home, she was ready to have a drink when she finally reached her house. Walking up to the door she heard a car stop and the engine shut off. She froze, and listened as a door shut. She breathed in slowly and tried to regulate her emotions, she knew it was him and she didn't feel like making love to him, not with everything that had just happened, she was sure that's what he wanted before he left, he just didn't understand. She was sure she would be breaking his heart by the time it took her to turn around. So she didn't turn around, she just waited at the door after unlocking it.

Sully walked to the edge of her front steps and stopped. "Michaela, I don't know what you're feeling right now, what you're thinking I'm here for, but watching you drive away felt so wrong. I followed you because I want you to know, that the only thing I care about right now is you, and I do still have to go, but I want you to sleep well tonight, so I'm wanting to know if you will allow me to sleep in your bed. I've noticed that you can't say you love me, and I also want you to know I understand, and I'm a patient man. I want you to mean it if you say it, but Michaela, I do love you with everything in me, and I'll wait my entire life if that's what it takes. I want to hold you, that's all, I want you to have some peace. Please don't make me leave tomorrow without spending my last evening here, with you. He had slowly moved closer as he spoke and he had worked his way over to just behind her. She turned around, hands to her sides, and walked straight into his arms. He gently hugged her and picked her up, carrying her to her room. Laying in his arms with her back against his side, and her head resting on his chest she peacefully drifted off to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Michaela woke up around three in the morning, her cheek was warm against him and she felt well rested. Reaching for his hand she gently moved it and went to the kitchen. She sat at the table while she drank a cold glass of water. She reached up to her neck with her left hand and massaged a small amount of tension away. Then she raised the glass to her head, it was cool and it put her at ease. He was leaving in five hours and he would be gone for about two months. How was she going to get through this? She rubbed her hands over her face. Taking another sip of water she poured the rest of it down the sink. Sighing, she went to the bathroom and took a shower. The hot water felt good against her muscles, and she could feel some of the stress leaving her. After a little while, she grabbed her towel and turned the water off. Rubbing the towel across her face she quickly leaned over and let her long hair go over her head as she wrapped her hair up to dry. Then she grabbed another towel and began drying her body. She brushed her teeth and after that she took her hair down. Combing through her long copper hair she sighed again. Then she got the hair dryer and finished drying it. She wondered if Sully was awake yet. She couldn't stop thinking about last night, how terrible she had been, for goodness sakes, he was going to be flying all day, she couldn't just control her emotions one day? These feelings she had were her own but they seemed to be amplified by anxiety and depression. She wouldn't blame Sully if he left and never came back…...but he hadn't left, in fact he came for her, he confessed his love for her so ardently. He should be careful about such devotion, she didn't know what would be her fate, no one did. Sully was the one flying today, the one taking the risk. But she could very well get into an accident today, and what would he have but a broken inconsolable heart. She shook herself from her thoughts, what a terrible thought that was, and it made her sad that she had it. Why was she like this now? It was a rhetorical question, she already knew her medical issues, but the question she was really asking was how could she fix it? How could she not think something terrible was going to happen every moment of the day? The time they had spent together had felt wonderful, maybe he had succeeded in distracting her. Maybe that was the answer, distraction? She really should go to him now, she should do something for him, leave him with a memory that would hold him if anything were to happen to either one of them in the next two months. She would miss him terribly, she would miss his arms holding her. 

She made her way to her small laundry room, looking through the clothes she had folded, she found the shirt, their shirt. It was so soft, heather grey in color and it had a pretty scroll writing on it that said "Jack Quinn's Irish Pub, Established 1998, Colorado Springs, CO." It was one of Sully's favorite hang outs and David had taken Michaela there a few times. She really did enjoy that place, and the food was delicious.The name was coincidence, but she wondered if he had purposely wore that shirt the day on the lake, before either one of them knew its significance. There were tiny green four leaf clovers at the edge of the script and through the many washings it had, it was starting to fade, but it felt wonderful. She released her robe and pulled the t-shirt over her body. Reaching for the round collar, she pulled it to her lips and caressed over them. Soft fibers caressed her lips, making her miss him even more, but he was still here for now and she didn't plan on spending any more time away from him. Walking into the bedroom, she saw he was still asleep. She just looked at him for a few moments, his golden brown hair, his kissable lips, he was a very handsome man, but more than that he was a caring man, and that was so very attractive. She walked over to him and slowly eased herself onto the bed trying not to wake him. She slowly climbed up to his face, he was sleeping peacefully, and breathing in deeply, she blew a steady stream of air right into the hollow of this neck. She stopped, no response, smiling she gathered more air and moved even closer, she blew the air in the same spot and as she looked up watching for him to wake, she saw him shudder slightly and breath in suddenly, she stopped and breathed out a warm breath onto his neck, then she breathed in again and moved up his throat to his lips, blowing gently against them. Stopping she moved closer, Sully had become fully aware of her intentions. He was waiting for her warm breath when her lips gently pressed into his as she put her leg over his body and lowered herself to him. Breathing heavily, he couldn't resist her any longer, and he opened his eyes. She was wearing the shirt and she pulled up a little on it as she reached for his hands to gently guide them to her bare hips. She had no intentions of removing it. He let his hand slide up under it, caressing over her breast and moving back down to her side, then her hip again. He had not expected this, he had not needed this, but it was a welcome surprise. Reaching for her neck he drew her forward and kissed her passionately then released her. He locked eyes with her, and she guided him to her as they desperately continued.

She didn't want to get up and neither did he but the alarm he had set the night before was going off and he knew he needed to go get his things and go to the airport. He needed to get there early in case there were any delays. She had laid on his chest after their conclusion and he rubbed his hands over her back and rolled towards the sound of his phone on the nightstand. Reaching over to get it, he silenced the offending sound and looked back into her eyes, softly kissing her lips, he quickly kissed her again and again. Short, but soft lingering kisses. Then he looked in her eyes, closing his own and sighing, he groaned a little as he started pushing away and got up. The instant cold sank into her as he moved. She got up and put on some underwear, then put on some blue jeans and pulled the shirt back over her body. She walked into her kitchen and put her arms around him, kissing his back as she laid her head against him and sighed. He was pouring some orange juice and he turned around with it in his hands and kissed her, handing the sweet, refreshing juice over to her. He hadn't even had a sip yet but he had given it to her first. She took a sip and handed it back to him. Sully took a sip and set it back on the counter leaning in and kissing her passionately, he whispered, "We better stop, or I'll miss my flight." She kissed his chest right over his heart and backed away. Sully reached for her cheek and caressed it with his thumb. " Let's go get breakfast and then we'll swing by my place on the way to the airport. She smiled and nodded, he turned around and finished the juice, rinsing the glass in the sink and setting it down. 

When they reached his place Michaela shuddered slightly but she was determined not to make this about her. He wanted to take a quick shower so he asked her if that was going to be ok, she nodded and sat down on the couch. As she heard the water start, she got up and went to the empty room that had been David's. Sitting down in the middle of the floor she spoke. "David, I loved you with all my heart, I couldn't have imagined my life without you and I know that the hurt of losing you will never really leave me, it will always hurt, even in the future when I've fully accepted it." She paused, "Sully loves me David, with his whole heart, I think I could possibly love him too, but I'm afraid, I'm afraid to give myself over to someone else again. I have to try, David, I have to try to heal my heart and my fear, I don't think it will be easy. Please know that I would have been an adoring wife to you, that we would have been happy together, please know that I wanted that life so much." She let a few tears fall and she quickly wiped them away, she smiled a crooked smile, "I'm leaving you David, but I'll always keep a part of you in my heart." She heard the water in the shower stop and she quickly stood up and moved to the hallway, gently closing the door, not making any loud noises. She quietly moved back to the living room and sat back down on the couch. She continued to wipe the tears from her eyes. Sully went to his bedroom and quickly dressed, he didn't want her to be uncomfortable here, so he was trying to hurry. Gathering his things he made the final adjustments to his bag and picked up his carry on as he rolled his bag back to the living room. He smiled at her, waiting patiently for him. She looked different, not physically, but spiritually lighter if that was possible? He asked, "Are you ready to go?" She smiled at him, "I am."

They got in her car and made their way to the airport. She followed him while he checked in and got his boarding pass. Sitting in a general waiting area she was getting nervous. They made small talk about random things and then after a little while Sully knew he had to go. "Michaela, I think I should go through security now, it could take a little while." She nodded, "Yeah, I think you should Sully." She cleared her throat, " I hope you have a good trip, don't forget to bring me the Queen's crown," she laughed. He laughed too, "Michaela, I'm going to miss you, but it will pass by for us, and besides, we'll both be busy with work. I'm going to call you often, that will make it easier for us. I love you, you know I do, you don't have to say it back, I know it will take time." She looked up at him, tears threatening to fall and she just fell forward and hugged him so tight. "Please call me when you get there Sully, and please hurry back." She held him a few more moments, and then loosened her grip and slowly let him go. He winked at her and smiled. She kept her eye on him as he made his way down the line and disappeared into the crowd of people waiting in line, but just before he reached an area where she couldn't see him, he turned around and waved at her. She waved back.

Michaela had told them she would be a little late for work today, they knew she had to take Sully to the airport. When she arrived she got straight to work, catching up on all her duties and reviewing charts. She wasn't sad, she was too busy to be sad and that was the way she wanted it. Dorothy had been watching her for most of the day, she realized that Michaela was keeping herself very busy. When it came time for her lunch break, she ate a quick lunch and went to Michaela's office. Knocking gently , she heard Michaela call to come in. "Dorothy, what brings you my way?" Dorothy smiled, " I just wanted to check on you and make sure you are ok, I know you took Sully to the airport this morning." Michaela smiled, "Yes, I did. It was a stressful morning but I think I'm fine now." Dorothy just looked at her, she felt a little sorry for her. She was trying to hide how upset she was but it was obvious she had kept herself occupied with work all day. "You know Dr. Mike, when you go home and it's quiet and you have nothing to do, you might not feel so fine. I just wanted to let you know, if you ever need me, or you need to talk, just let me know, okay?" Michaela smiled, "Okay Dorothy, I really don't think it's a big deal but thanks, I appreciate it." Dorothy smiled, "Well how did things go with Sully, did you discuss some of your concerns?" She looked away and then looked back. " I got upset, but we managed to talk some things out and everything is good now." Michaela was guarded with her answers, she knew Dorothy was trying to help but she just didn't want to let her help right now, she could handle this, she could take care of herself. Dorothy smiled again, "That's great to hear. Well, I've taken up enough of your time, I have to go anyway, Coleen is probably wondering where I am, see you later Dr. Mike."  
Dorothy left and Michaela stopped what she was doing, she had managed to keep Sully off her mind for a while now, but Dorothy's reminder was painfully creeping into her thoughts. She would be alone when she went home, this was going to be a difficult two months.

It was late that night when he called and Michaela answered quickly. "Hello!" Sully sounded a little muted but otherwise the connection was clear. "Michaela, hello!" She smiled, and she asked him about his flight. He had just got to his room and he was starting to unpack. "It was good. It was a long flight but I'm glad to be on solid ground now. How was work today?" She sat down on her couch and curled up. "Oh, well, it was fine. I only really worked a half day," she laughed. "How's your room?" They made small talk and conversation, but finally Michaela couldn't hold it in any longer, "I miss you Sully, I know it's only been hours, but it already feels empty here." Sully tried to make things better, "I miss you already too. I wish you were here with me. When I get back, we should go somewhere, plan a trip for the two of us, how does that sound?" Michaela was interested, it had been a while since her last real vacation, and she thought the idea sounded so exciting. "Where Sully?" He thought for a few minutes. "Hmmm, how about somewhere happy and warm, like Hawaii?" She had never been, but she had wanted to go many times before. "I would love that Sully, I would love to go there with you!" He was pleased that he had sparked an interest, something she could be excited about. Well then, I will start looking into it. If you find any place you want to go, just let me know. We can plan something special. She was excited, "Sully, I," she stopped, stumbling a little, she had almost confessed her growing feelings for him, "I can't wait until you come home." They talked for a while longer and reluctantly ended the call. After she hung up, the sound of his voice lingered and she made her way to her bedroom where the grey shirt lay on the bed. She picked it up remembering this morning's passionate interlude. Smiling, she placed the shirt on the bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower. When she wrapped her body up in the blankets, she could smell his aftershave, and although she may have missed him very much, that had been a comfort for her. She at least had the comfort of him lingering in her bed. Wrapping her arms around his pillow, she closed her eyes. Sleep was temporary though, and she kept tossing and turning. Some time in the middle of the night finally feeling a chill, she wished for them to be in each other's embrace. That was where she felt alive, she didn't feel pain in those passionate moments of abandonment. It was day one, and it was already very cold here without him. Picking the shirt up, she pulled it over her. The next night was the same and this time she had dried her frustrated tears with the shirt. Even being responsible about her feelings, the insomnia was still a problem. She was frustrated, she needed to sleep. Weeks went by and she was becoming desperate. This was not a simple case of not being able to sleep, it was dangerous, for her well being and for her career. She had finally had enough. If she couldn't go to sleep, she would find a way to make herself sleep. She went to the gym and completed a run, then she came home, opened her cabinets and found the bottle of alcohol she kept for the occasional drink. Mixing it into a cocktail, she made another one and quickly drank it down. The warm fuzzy feeling produced a sleepiness that had been begging for nocturnal comfort. Picking up the shirt that she refused to wash for fear it might not retain his scent, she pulled it close to her body and finally drifted off to a less troubled sleep.

At least the good part about never finding sleep was that she never quite entered that dream state where she seemed to find the recurring dream of David and that fateful day. Before the insomnia had consumed her nights she frequently woke up just as the cars collided, and it always took a good amount of time to get her heart rate back to normal. Now she briefly got glimpses of being in Sully's arms but it never lasted more than a second and it always caused her to wake up in disappointment. She couldn't go on like this. She needed to rest or she feared she would make some terrible mistake at work. Breaking down, she knew she needed to talk to her employer and chief physician to take some time away from work. She knew it would look bad, but she simply couldn't take a risk with her patients. Coming back from her talk, she walked in the door and went straight to her countertop. Grabbing a glass she poured a drink and this time she didn't stop at two. She was well into the evening hours when the bottle was empty. Sully had been working hard and he was exhausted, he knew she would be getting home soon from work so he laid down on the bed to relax. Closing his eyes he had only planned to rest, but sleep overtook him and he didn't wake up until the next morning. Now it was too late to call her and he was mad at himself for falling asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

"No!" Pain shot through her head as she quickly woke up and became alert. Seeing the safety of her room she knew it had been the dream. Everything was so harsh, the loud sound of her waking herself with a yell, the light that was shining through the window shades. She closed her eyes and turned away, slowly reopening her eyelids, she stopped when the pain in her head became worse. Her heart was beating rapidly. She put her head back down and groaned. Reaching for her phone, she couldn't exactly remember what had happened the night before, well she remembered, it's just the last part, about ending up in her bed. Surely Sully had tried to call her and she was too drunk to notice, or to answer. Squinting her eyes, she noticed that she didn't have any missed calls. He hadn't called. Confused because he always called her on the night that would otherwise be the night before her day off, she wondered what had happened. Then she worried, she knew him, she knew he wouldn't just miss calling her.

Sully wished he hadn't fallen asleep last night. He would have to wait to call her until he returned from work. He had decided that later he would do some research about places to visit and places to stay in Hawaii. He would make this special, he would give her the trip of her dreams. She should be off from work, so maybe they could even plan things for certain if they researched together. However, he had been unexpectedly busy and he didn't get to relax until much later in his day, at which point, the leader of their group approached him and asked if he could drive to the airport to pick up another person they were bringing onto the team. Sully sighed, he knew this would mean a much later phone call and he was fairly sure she would be worried since he didn't call her last night.

Michaela had always been aware that there was a significant time difference in her location and Sully's location. She reasoned that any time he would be trying to call would be because he had plenty of time to be back from his job before it was appropriate to call her during her day. So he often waited for her to be comfortable too, but today was her day off, and she didn't understand why he hadn't tried to call yet. It should be late over there, now she started to worry more, maybe something had happened to him. She took a shower and went to her bedroom where she put the shirt on and waited. She had sent him a message earlier that day but she didn't get a reply or even see that he had seen it. She was beside herself. Looking down her body at the writing on the shirt she thought to herself that if she couldn't get in touch with him at the moment, maybe she needed a distraction. It certainly wasn't going to help if she just laid on her bed and waited. Maybe going to the pub was the best thing for her right now. She got up and put on some jeans and fixed her hair and put on just the right amount of makeup. She got in her car and drove there. Getting out felt good despite her avoidance of doing so lately. She walked in and things were busy there. Sitting at the bar she ordered a drink and started looking over the menu. She decided on a Shepard's pie bread bowl, which she felt might be comforting. Looking around, people were having fun and talking. She was happy but it did feel slightly lonely. However, she wasn't going to let herself start thinking about how lonely she was. Still, she wondered where Sully was, and she really was starting to worry. Checking her phone for messages, she didn't notice the handsome man that came in the pub, and seeing her sitting alone at the bar, made his way over to her. She saw a figure out of the corner of her eye and he sat down right next to her. She cursed herself for not being more alert, as he turned towards her and said, "Hi." She answered shortly, "Hello." Trying to avoid any other conversation, she just reached for her drink, unfortunately she hadn't noticed that her drink was almost gone too. " I'd like to buy you another drink, what are you having?" She cringed a little, but she decided maybe if she let him buy her a drink he would be satisfied and maybe leave her alone. "It's a old fashioned." He smiled, looking for the bartender, he motioned for him. "I'll have a Whiskey and the lady will have an old fashioned, with the candied cherry please, Thank you." Well, he was good looking and he was polite, she would give him that. "You know, I have a boyfriend," she exclaimed, I don't want you to get the wrong idea." The man chuckled a little and he said, "Whoa, I just wanted to buy you a drink, maybe have a little company, is that so wrong?" She blushed a little, now she was slightly embarrassed, maybe she should just play this calmly and then there would be no harm. "I'm sorry," she said, "I'm not one to go out too much, my name is Michaela, what's yours?" The bartender returned and handed the drinks to the man. He turned and smiled, he had a beautiful smile. He held her drink out and she took it, "My name is Daniel, Daniel Simon, it's very nice to meet you Michaela, I respect that you told me about your boyfriend up front, I offer you my friendship." He held up his glass and toasted, "To new friends." Michaela held up her glass slightly and repeated his words, "To new friends." They both took a sip of their drinks.

They laughed and talked and had another drink while she ate her food. She was having a good time when her phone started ringing. Having a good buzz she got to her phone as quickly as she could. Sully heard a shuffling sound and what sounded like music and people talking. Finally she got the phone to her ear. "Sully, hello!" She had a sense of urgency to her voice. "Hello, Michaela, I'm sorry I"…..but she cut him off. "I was so worried when you didn't call Sully, is everything okay? Are you okay?" He felt bad that she had worried. He also noticed the slight slur in her speech. "Yes, I'm ok, I was at work and then I had to pick someone up at the airport. Last night I accidentally fell asleep." He paused waiting for her to say something….. "Michaela? Can you hear me?..." She had turned away from Daniel trying to find the best place to talk and be able to hear Sully. She hit the volume button to make him louder. The band was playing loudly. "Yes, I can hear you," she turned back towards Daniel. Sully wondered about what she was doing. " You sound like you are having a lot of fun, did you go out with your friends, Dorothy and Colleen?" She looked at Daniel, "No, no, I came down to the pub, I was home wearing….he cut her off this time, "You're at the pub!" Sully was surprised. "Yes, I'm at the pub Sully, I was at home wearing our shirt, and I just decided that I didn't want to be alone, so I came to the pub." Sully panicked a little, "By yourself?" She was surprised that he was questioning her about getting out of the house. " I was worried about you, I just needed a distraction." Sully realized he was being too overprotective of her, he tried to ease both of their emotions. "I'm sorry I couldn't call Michaela, I'm just a little surprised, but it is good that you are getting out, I hope you enjoy yourself." There, he had calmed down and he was glad she was getting out. But then he heard someone talking close by and she laughed and they laughed. His heart sank, it sounded like a man, was she out on a date? "I'm sorry Michaela, it sounds like I'm interrupting something." She quickly realized what he must think, "No Sully, I just met a new friend here, his name is Daniel. We were just talking at the bar." She still had the slur in her voice and Sully realized that no matter how innocent her intentions were she was just on the other side of making bad decisions. He also admitted to himself that he was jealous, he wanted to be at the pub right now, having drinks, and laughing with her. At that moment, they laughed together again. "Michaela, I'm going to call Robert and Grace, I think someone should come and get you if you have been drinking." She was disappointed. "Sully, I'm a grown woman with a medical degree, I think I can take care of myself. I was sad at the house, I'm just trying to get through the night, and right now that means I'm talking to Daniel, and we are having a good time." She laughed with him again. He couldn't take it anymore, he shouldn't have been so blunt but he couldn't help himself, "Well, Daniel's only trying to take you home, a medical degree isn't going to teach you that!" She stopped laughing, "I'm going to go now Sully, goodbye." She ended the call and Sully desperately called her back, how could he be so stupid. She didn't answer and she didn't answer the other five times he called her.

Michaela was hurt, she put her phone away and looked into her drink. She felt terrible, and she felt her phone buzz again. She wasn't going to answer, he had no right to be so cruel to her. Daniel noticed that her mood had changed. "What's the matter?" She kept looking into her drink, "Nothing, just my boyfriend being upset that I'm here, I guess." He put his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, this guy sounds like a little bit of a jerk." She didn't feel that way about Sully, she knew he was just concerned, but she also just needed a good day, a good night, to not feel trapped in her home, to not feel so alone. "He's not a bad person, he's just concerned. But I don't know, maybe I should go." Daniel quickly distracted her thoughts, "Hey,hey,hey, you deserve to have a good time. How about we have a dance or two and just enjoy ourselves." She smiled, he knew she had a boyfriend, he had manners, maybe he just wanted to have a good time too. "Okay, you're right, let's just have a good time." That was Daniel's intentions, to have a good time, but the more he was around her the closer he got, touching her and watching her be free, the more he realized that he really liked this woman. They ordered another drink and sat back down at the bar. She sighed, "I haven't had this much fun in a while, I think the last time I had this much fun was when David took me to a state fair. Daniel stopped her, "David? I thought your boyfriend's name was Sully?" And then she realized she would have to explain, but she wasn't going to talk about him, she didn't feel safe sharing the details with a stranger, she had only ever truly confided in Sully about David. "David was my fiance, but he died in a car crash." Daniel saw the pain she felt, "I'm so sorry Michaela, do you want to talk about it?" She closed her heart up again, "No, I don't," and she left it at that. Daniel figured he had upset her a little asking about such things, "Hey, how about we finish these drinks and get some fresh air. I'm staying at The Antlers Hotel, it's only a few blocks from here, we could get you a cab from there. Some fresh air did sound nice. "Okay." She drank the rest of her drink, got up and gathered her things, and joined him. They walked out the door. Her head was fuzzy but she was happily in the moment. There was a full moon, so as they got closer to the hotel the skyline was illuminated, the beautiful mountains reached into the sky. It all felt so very romantic. Daniel stopped before they got to their destination, they were alone now, they had been talking some more. Daniel had gathered a little more information. "I just don't see how your boyfriend could leave you at a time when you need him so much. You're a beautiful woman Michaela, any guy would be so lucky as to have you in their life. He stepped a little closer. Looking into her multi colored eyes, he gasp a little, "My goodness, the moonlight doesn't make this any easier on me," he truly was trying to respect her wishes but she overwhelmed him. He slowly moved into her putting one hand on her waist and the other one touching her face, "You're so beautiful," he leaned into her and gently kissed her lips. Michaela was shocked, but it felt so nice, he gently deepened their kiss and she let him. His hands moving to her back were warm and inviting. She didn't belong to anyone, she didn't have to answer for this, she had only told him that Sully was her boyfriend, it wasn't like she couldn't see other people, and maybe she should. He moved to her neck and kissed her, she could feel the heat rise in her body. He stopped and pulled away. "Come on, let's go," and he took her hand and they walked towards the front of the hotel.

When they reached his room it was very nice and the view of the moonlit mountains was spectacular. She was feeling so out of it, the alcohol had definitely worked and the effects were numbing but they were also highly sensitizing. He walked up behind her. Warm heat from his hands slipped around her, caressing her torso and grazing the underside of her breast. He bent his head and kissed her shoulder and her neck. He let her look at the mountains as he continued to caress over her clothes. Running his hand down the side of her hip, he let his hand wander over to her center and caress down between her legs. Through her blue jeans it was enough to elicit strong feelings but maintain a cautious approach to her rejecting him over some guilt she may feel. He believed she was ready though and he continued to kiss her neck, reaching for the edge of her grey t-shirt he slowly started pulling it up over her head. Michaela was turned on but she was wondering if this was the right thing to do, she missed Sully so much, but she needed to feel good she needed to sleep in warm comfort, to not wake up in the middle of the night desperate for sleep and comfort. She perceived him as a gentleman, and that would certainly satisfy her need for a warm embrace and a pleasurable release. When did this happen that she should be contemplating and acting upon a one night stand for her own feelings of comfort? Maybe this was wrong, maybe they should stop? The pretty scrolled letters and the faded four leaf clovers passed in front of her face as the collar of the shirt found her lips and caressed them so softly leaving her body and falling to the floor. Sully...What was she doing? She softly blurted out, "Daniel, please stop." His hand had made its way to her waist and he was gently slipping his hands between her jeans and underwear. His hand went down to her most sensitive area and he breathed heavily. Softly but more assertively, she said, "Please stop, I can't." His hand slid away from her, and he breathed heavily, he was a passionate man but he wasn't an abusive man. He stepped back. "I'm sorry Michaela, she picked up the shirt, flipped it right side out and put it on. Turning around she saw him sitting on the bed, "I'm sorry too Daniel" She put her hand on his shoulder and then let it slide away. She gathered her things and left. Calling a cab, she waited patiently, she was starting to sober up now. Good Lord, she had almost gone too far. Riding home she paid the cab driver and stepped out of the car. Going through her entryway, she closed the door and trembling, slid down it and started to sob.


	12. Chapter 12

Michaela was disgusted with herself and she went to her bed room with a bottle of water. She took off all her clothes and took a shower, as if that would somehow make her feelings and regret wash away. She needed something warm and comforting, and for now the shower would have to do. When she got out of the shower, she dried her body and wrapped her hair up in her towel to dry. She went to her bed with no clothes whatsoever and picked the shirt up off the floor. She just knew she had made things worse when she realized that the shirt now smelled like Daniel too. Disappointed, she walked to her laundry room and put the shirt in the washing machine, setting the dials for a quick wash she turned the machine on and went back to the comfort of her bed. Why had she even bothered to go out? Things only got worse when she tried to make them better. She was upset with Sully, but mostly she was upset with herself, losing control, acting like a child and not answering the phone. Sully had tried every way he could to get in touch with her, but it had been useless and he knew he would have to accept the fate of what was happening, so very far across the Atlantic. Surely she would be responsible, surely she wouldn't go home with that man. He was sick just thinking about it, thinking that while he sat alone, she was in the arms of another man. She wouldn't, she wouldn't do that, but the silence had driven him mad. There wasn't enough alcohol in London to stop this feeling and he wasn't going to try. He needed to be level headed so he wouldn't make any jealous mistakes when she called….if she called. It had been hours now. He was so sick with himself. He curled up in a ball and stayed that way until sleep overtook him. The next day was Sully's day off and he woke to the sound of his phone ringing early in the morning. Jolted awake he quickly grabbed his phone, but it was only someone from work. He thought he might have to wait all day just to hear from her now. The reality was, Michaela had just finished drying the clothes in the dryer. She had luckily fallen asleep while she waited for the dry clothes and actually got some rest. She pulled the shirt out of the dryer and put it against her face. It smelled of laundry detergent. Not Sully, not Daniel, but laundry detergent. She clutched it to her and moved back to her bed, she had decided, she needed to call him. It was early for her but it was mid day for him and she knew he might be mad by now, considering he had most likely waited for what seemed like all day for her call. Hearing the phone ring around three in the afternoon, he hurried to it and looked at the screen. It was her. Answering the call, he was quiet and said, "Hello." The sound of his voice, not holding the anger she had expected, she could hear how hurt he was. "Sully, before we talk about anything, I just want to say, it was wrong to ignore you, but you hurt me by not trusting me, and I fear that it caused me to be somewhat reckless with our relationship." He could hear a pin drop at this point, any moment he was expecting to hear what he feared the most. The emotions were showing through her voice. "I know what you're thinking, but I promise you, I didn't sleep with him." She heard him exhale a little, what they both had done to each other was unacceptable if they wanted things to work. "How do I know that Michaela, you sounded pretty comfortable when you hung up on me? He couldn't help himself though, he just hadn't managed to take all the sting out of his words. "Because you can trust me Sully, you know everything about me, why would I lie to you now? She began to cry, but managed to pull herself back together. "I went to his room, I almost made a very big mistake, but truthfully it didn't get very far, and he stopped when I asked him to. With the way I'm struggling right now, it would have meant nothing to me, but I know now that it would have destroyed us. This isn't me Sully, this isn't what I believe. I wanted you, Sully, I need you here. I can't sleep, I'm not the same person I was a few months ago, I know that." It suddenly dawned on Sully that Michaela wasn't at work. "Michaela, why aren't you at work?" She was embarrassed, out of all the things she cared for, work was one of her top priorities, Sully knew this much. Her voice trembled, " Sully…. I can't work right now, I'm not well, I can't take the risk of hurting my patients because I'm not fully capable of making the best decisions for their health or because I might be distracted." Admittedly, she was still embarrassed for what she had just confessed to him, and she felt like he was judging her on a personal and professional level, even though he wasn't. It was silent. "I was jealous. It was wrong of me to say those things to you Michaela, I'm sorry. I've got two weeks left here, if you tell me you can't wait that long, I'll be on the next flight home right now." Again there was a long pause, and Michaela knew she couldn't ask him to come home, she couldn't do that. "No Sully, I've been busy enough destroying my own life, I don't want to destroy yours too. I can wait." He waited and then said, "Are you sure? This can all be replaced Michaela, there are other jobs, there are other opportunities. I'll never be able to love someone the way I love you, I'll come if you want me to." She was sure she could make it two more weeks, she was trying to be strong,"I can wait Sully." He sighed, "okay." He waited for a few seconds and then he decided he had to know one thing, before the man from the pub was completely forgotten. "Michaela, I'll never speak of this man you met again, but I'd like to know one thing before then? She let him ask his question. "So, if you were already in the room, what made you stop? She didn't want to discuss the details of what had happened in the room with him, but she had agreed to answer his question. He was behind me Sully and he pulled my shirt up over my head", Sully had asked, but he still cringed listening to her, "our shirt Sully. The letters and the clovers passed in front of my face and the material caressed my lips as it went over my head and fell to the floor." Sully stopped her there, he could do without the rest. "So you're saying a t-shirt stopped you from sleeping with someone?" She paused, "No, I'm saying it reminded me of what I had to lose, it reminded me of every happy moment we've shared, it reminded me that….that,...Sully, I love you." Her voice was clear, and he wanted to be with her so badly at this very moment, he wanted to be home. She heard him gasp slightly, there was little hesitation for processing the moment but he didn't want to take away from her confession. He remained calm. He spoke with a sure and steady voice as he happily professed, "I love you too." He smiled, "I'll be home soon, and Michaela, we, are going to help you get better. I'm going to help you get through this.

When the plane touched down two weeks later, they both anxiously awaited the moment they would meet again, Sully almost forgot his carry on luggage, but at the last moment, a kind, somewhat older, native american lady that had been sitting in the window seat next to him tapped him on the shoulder, and pointed to the bag he had placed in the middle seat moments after landing. He smiled and thanked her. She smiled back and said, "She must be the love of your life, hurry along, she's waiting." He smiled again, "yes she is." He made his way down the ramp and through the doors. At the end of the terminal he could see her, and he started to walk faster which eventually turned into a run. They met with a firm embrace as she jumped into his arms. And he held her so close. Letting her go a little he kissed her firmly, then held her again, and they just stayed locked in each other's arms. Michaela had been pacing back and forth with her arms folded across her stomach, she was so nervous. Her waiting had been temporarily relieved by a slightly older gentleman that was a native american medicine man. They had talked while she waited. When he found out she was a doctor, he invited her to his home, an 80 acre ranch, offering to show her some medicinal properties of the plants that were native to the area. She was so very interested in what he had to share, and the man could tell that she was very anxious waiting for the one that would arrive for her, but he could also tell that some of that anxiety was coming from a completely different place. There was more too, but those issues would be addressed at a later time. He spoke as they watched the screen change to "arrived." "My wife is on the same flight as the one you wait for, everything is going to work out for you, you should believe it, it is your future now. The Great Spirit has arranged this man for you." He left her with his information and anxiously awaited his own love. When Michaela saw Sully start down the terminal, she could hardly contain herself. Rushing to him after he passed the security line, she embraced him with loving arms and he held her close. She kissed him and then softly repeated into his ear. "I love you, I love you, I love you." She held him tightly, "I can never say that enough Sully." They didn't notice the sweet couple behind them embracing with a gently affectionate, passionate love. The two looked at Sully and Michaela, and knowingly smiled as they turned and walked away.

They talked in the car on the way home, about everything that had happened, the insecurities that Michaela had and how they sometimes made situations much worse. How they were going to address her problems and different treatments and options. When they got to her house, they sat in the car. "I'm sorry Sully, I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused, for not being able to control my actions, believe me if I could make myself better, I would. If I could get rid of the things I feel, I would. It makes me feel like a failure of a doctor and that's very difficult for me. However, I know these social treatments take time, and I will be getting better, and it's something I have to do on my own, but I hope you will be right beside me on my way to recovery. I know I will probably hurt you again, I don't mean to, but I promise I will not be unfaithful. I promise you I will do my best to love you more every day." He lifted his hand to her cheek and brushed away her strands of hair. I love you so much Michaela, I'm going to be right here, let's go inside. When they entered the house he lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed it. They were silent but their eyes spoke for them as they made their way to her room. They took their time and thoroughly loved one another.

They both were dressed warmly as they sat on the boat admiring the beautiful skyline. They were wrapped up in a blanket to keep the chill out but otherwise the weather was still fair. Too cold for swimming, but just right for a relaxing day in each other's company. They had talked, deeply, as Sully held her in his arms, and Michaela had confessed to having feelings that were not consistent with her usual self. Addressing the problem seemed to be the way to go. No more distractions or running from the truth,no more drowning her sorrows in alcohol, just bravely facing the facts and the reality of her situation. And the reality was, she was weak right now, this would not be easy. Nothing was the same and it never would be, but she would work on new ways to deal with her problems. One of those new ways would be getting a puppy. His name was Wolf, and he was currently being trained as a service dog. She would not need him all the time, but when she was at home or enjoying a nice day with Sully, Wolf could tell if her anxiety was getting the better of her, and he would come lay his head on her. She knew this was a fight and she didn't intend to give up. Everything she did now was not to remain in that dark place but to make her way out of it, because this new life and new love she had found was worth it. Michaela talked about the man at the airport and how excited she was to learn something new, something useful to her profession. And they made plans for that trip to Hawaii. She wanted to go hiking, and see the cultural sites and she wanted to do ridiculous touristy things, but she wanted to do them all with Sully and she was so happy to be moving in a positive direction. And then he shifted a little and squeezed her a little closer, putting his arms snuggly to her torso and his voice close to her ear, "Michaela, Hawaii will be beautiful, but I love this spot right here, I always will, that's why I'm asking you here. When we go to Hawaii, I want us to be man and wife. Will you Marry me?" He opened his hand and opened a small black box. She froze, looking down at the beautiful ring that sparkled in front of her, she laughed a happy laugh, took the box into her hands and said "Yes." He slid his hand down her arm and picked up her hand. Removing the ring from it's box, he gently slipped it onto her finger. Beautiful. She turned around and they locked eyes. There was so much between them now. They both met each other for a passionate kiss, and they kissed again and again. Then she laid against him and they remained there for quite some time. She listened to him breath, the sound of his heart. He softly said,"I love you Michaela." She smiled, "I love you too, Sully."


End file.
